Everlong
by Lucky.In.Kentucky
Summary: Bella is stuck in an unhappy relationship with her long-time love, who has become more distant since their recent move to Texas. In an attempt to get her life back, she takes a job at a local saloon, and befriends the owners, Jasper & Peter. AH/AU/OOC.
1. Last Call for Sin

**Author's Note: Hey everyone checking out my story! This is my first go at writing anything, so be easy on me. If you like it, let me know. I have several chapters written and can get them out pretty quickly. Just a warning, this story contains drug use, violence, language, lemons, and all sorts of bad things. If you are under 18, turn back now. These first few chapters will be dark and angsty, but there are also fun times ahead.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no money from any of it.**

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Everlong

-Last Call for Sin-

I woke lazily from my slumber. I had fallen asleep on the couch to the latest episode of Monster Quest on the History channel. He wasn't home, and I took every opportunity I had to do things I enjoy, like watching silly television or napping in the afternoon. Never mind that I work until nearly three a.m. every night. No, I should be up and at 'em at sunrise, just like he was. Every morning I had to have his breakfast fixed, lunch packed, and coffee in the thermos no later than seven. Even on weekends.

Of course after he left I would sneak back to bed. I flipped my phone open to check the time. I had a little over two hours until I had to be at work. With any luck I wouldn't have to see Edward at all today. He had been bitchier than normal lately, and most of our time together was spent in a petty argument over something like the brand of fabric softener I used or the flavor of toothpaste I bought.

I glanced down at my leather bound journal lying open across my chest. I read the words I had scribbled across the last page just before I fell asleep and rolled my eyes at myself.

_I've been cheated, been mistreated, when will I be loved?  
I've been put down, I've been pushed around, when will I be loved?  
I've been made blue, I've been lied to, when will I be loved?_

I was in a desperate funk of a pity party. Since relocating to Austin, Texas with my long-time boyfriend and now live-in lover, my mood had become increasingly melancholy. I bought my first journal after living here only a month, and found the process so therapeutic I wrote something every day. And no, I'm not some pathetic teenage girl writing all that Dear Diary bullshit. I would usually just scribble a few words or sentences or lyrics that described my mood. It's not like I had anyone to talk to. I had almost no friends; and Edward couldn't be bothered with my silly needs like love, affection, or attention.

Edward. We had been together for nearly ten years. We started dating in high school, though I'm not quite sure why. I was never his type, never good enough for him. Edward's father, the great Dr. Carlisle Cullen, was one of the most famous physicians in the country, frequently making appearances on Oprah and CNN. I was the lowly daughter of the Police Chief in the tiny town of Forks, Washington. Edward and his family had moved to Forks from Seattle when he started high school His parents thought small town life would give him some sense of normalcy. Whatever. How normal can it be when a sixteen year old boy gets a new Mercedes and an Audi for his birthday?

Edward never fit in, but neither did I. Perhaps that's why we were drawn to one another. We started dating shortly after he moved to Forks, and had been together since. It had never been an easy relationship. Edward was always brilliant. He excelled in school, as well as music and art. And like most geniuses, Edward was tortured by his internal demons. He constantly battled his own fears of failure. His parents and I did everything we could to be supportive and encouraging, but it was not enough. Edward's father recommended he start taking antidepressants shortly after his sixteenth birthday, and it escalated from there.

Antidepressants made him anxious, requiring him to take anti-anxiety medications. Anti-anxiety medications caused him to have insomnia, requiring him to take sleep aids. By the time he was eighteen, Edward had to take a handful of pills a day.

I became angry with Edward's father. I felt like he was the one feeding the addiction, always prescribing some new wonder drug. When it got to the point Edward could no longer function without the medications, I had a private talk with his parents. Until this point, they had treated me like their daughter. Needless to say, things changed quickly. I was politely told to mind my own business; that Edward was their son and they knew what was best for him. Our relationship never recovered from that.

When we graduated high school, Edward went to college at the University of Washington, Seattle. I had always dreamed of going to college and becoming a literature teacher. I loved to read better than anything else on earth. No matter how bad my reality was, I could always escape to the fictional world of the book. I couldn't afford to go to college, of course. My father, Charlie, didn't make enough money to pay for it, but he made too much for me to get necessary financial aid. Figures.

So Edward left me to move away for college, yet we still stayed together. And I am completely embarrassed to admit the reasons why. Edward was my ticket out of Forks. He had promised me all along that when he left for medical school, he would take me with him. I would finally be free of my pathetic existence of living with my father and working at the local sporting goods store. Even when I caught Edward cheating during his senior year, I stayed with him. He had an affair with some sorority girl named Tanya. I found numerous emails, text messages, and pictures, but he still denied it. And I chose to believe him. Because I thought Edward was going to save me. Turns out, things are worse than ever.

Edward was accepted to medical school at this father's alma mater, the University of Texas, after his father made a generous donation to the school for a new research center. We moved to Austin a year ago, and things had gone downhill since.

After moving in together, I quickly discovered Edward's addiction had escalated from prescription pills to full-on illegal substances. His late night study sessions were fueled by a steady stream of cocaine or crystal meth. And when he needed to come down, he would smoke marijuana or take some benzos. Of course, I would dabble in the substances here and there. But I was never _addicted_. I tried to talk to him about this, which led to a huge fight and me being homeless for nearly twenty-four hours.

We lived in an apartment paid for by his parents, and he simply kicked me out with nowhere to go. After several hours of pleading and begging, he agreed to let me back in with the condition I must never mention his drug use again. And I kept my word.

My end of the bargain was that I keep a meticulously clean house. I did all the cleaning and laundry. I did all the grocery shopping and cooking, though Edward rarely ate anymore. I was little more than a live in servant. A woman should know her place, after all.

Six months ago I was fed up. I never left the house, except to go to the market or run an errand for Edward. I had no friends and no interaction with the outside world. So, I did the most unthinkable thing possible in Edward's eyes-I got a job. The only place that would hire me with my lack of education was a saloon, Southern Comfort. It was only two blocks from our apartment, which was good because I didn't have a car. Edward currently had a new Cadillac Escalade and a Porche housed in the tiny parking garage attached to our apartment building, but he refused to let me drive either of them.

Working in the bar had brought me back to life; as much as possible, anyway. It was owned by two brothers, Peter and Jasper Whitlock, who were close to my age and the only friends I had made in Austin. We weren't extremely close, but we got along well and I enjoyed their company.

Going to work had quickly become my favorite part of the day. I always went in early, usually before the bar opened, and stayed late to help clean up. It's not like Edward cared where I was or when I came home as long as I had his breakfast and lunch ready at seven a.m. sharp and kept the apartment in acceptable order.

I glanced at the clock once more. I decided to go ahead and get ready to leave for work. I would go in early again and see if they needed any help setting up for the night. I quickly showered and dressed. And don't think just because I work in a saloon in Texas that I dress like a pathetic cowgirl reject. No, the brothers never tried to force me into any silly uniform. My wardrobe always consisted of some form of blue jeans, a t-shirt or tank top, and boots. Sometimes I would wear a hat, just for fun. Tonight I put on my most comfortable low rise jeans, a black fitted t-shirt that showed just an inch of my lower stomach, and my favorite black boots. I dried my hair, which was brown with newly added red and caramel highlights, letting if fall loosely around my shoulders, and finished with some powder, mascara, and lip gloss. I turned to admire my ass in the mirror, which looked fabulous. I was satisfied with what I saw, and I knew the tips would be plentiful tonight.

I carefully left the house in perfect order for Edward, and set out for work. Some nights I would take a cab, but it was a warm spring evening and I decided to walk. I arrived to work just before five p.m. It didn't open until six, which is when my shift was supposed to start. I saw the familiar cars of Jasper and Peter, a black Range Rover and a new black Camaro, parked outside which brought a small smile to my face.

I opened the door to the employee entrance and was stopped dead in my tracks. Jasper was standing in front of the employee lockers removing his dark denim jacket. Under it he wore a fitted gray t-shirt that showed the hint of his perfect body underneath. He was wearing my favorite pair of faded Levis, which made his legs look longer than they already were. He was well over six feet and had the body of a _man_. His sandy blond hair hung in messy curls around his ears with strays falling over his eyes, which were the clearest blue. On his right forearm was an elegant tattoo, written in Latin script with a black nautical star underneath it. He exuded pure sex and manliness. He turned to face me, smiling my favorite smile, displaying a pair of panty-dropping dimples and his perfectly white teeth. I was red as a tomato.

"Hey, Bella. Coming in early again?" he said, his voice thick as molasses and equally as sweet and southern.

"Yeah. I hope you don't mind. I won't clock in or anything until six," I answered nervously.

"Don't be foolish, honey. We love havin' you come in to help us like this. Just don't think that you have to."

"No, no," I replied too quickly. "I mean, it's not like I have anything better to do."

"Alright, then. I'm gonna go on in and check on Petey. See you inside."

I nodded and he turned to walk away. His scent hit me like a brick wall. Jasper always smelled like soap and sunshine. I sighed as I turned the combination to my lock, tossing in my purse and removing my waist apron, tying in tightly. I took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves and walked into the bar.

Peter was behind the bar drying glasses, and his lips were moving along to the country song playing on the juke box. I gave him a smile and a wave, which he returned. He was slightly shorter than Jasper, but his body was just as perfect. His hair was lighter blond and shorter, sticking up perfectly messy on top of his head. His eyes were green and framed with long lashes. He was wearing fitted Wranglers and a flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off his tattoo that was identical to Jasper's.

While Peter was equally as attractive as Jasper, I always felt more comfortable him. He was funny and laid back and easy to talk to. Plus, I just didn't lust after him as strongly. Peter had a fiancée, Charlotte, who I had met a few times at the bar and really liked her. She was very much the female version of Peter, which made her easy to get along with. She had recently moved to Houston for work and I could tell Peter missed her greatly. He would talk about her some nights when we were alone in the bar cleaning up after closing. And rarely I would talk about my relationship with Edward; which I didn't do very often because it always led to the 'you're too good for him' speech that I could never believe.

I picked up a tray and started to go around the bar filling up the salt and pepper shakers. Next I would do the ketchup bottles. It was a comfortable routine. Jasper emerged from his office and was standing behind the bar talking with Peter. They motioned me over, and I obliged praying the whole time I wouldn't trip and fall on my face. Luckily, I didn't.

"Gonna be busy in here tonight, Bells," Peter smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so. It is a Friday night, right?"

"Yeah, but the rodeo is in town. It's gonna be way busier than normal. And judging by the way you look, I'd say will make a killing in tips," he joked.

I blushed, naturally. "Peter, please don't flirt with the waitresses. I'd hate to have a sexual harassment suit on our hands," Jasper joked, punching Peter in the shoulder.

We sat and talked a few more minutes. Jasper and Peter both took a shot of Jim Beam, and I sipped a rum and Coke. It was sort of a nightly ritual to have a drink before the craziness started. These were my favorite moments of the night. I loved watching the interaction between Peter and Jasper. They were like two opposite side of a coin. Jasper was the business-minded one, serious, mature and intelligent, but still fun and laid back. Peter was clearly the entertainer, constantly making jokes and telling crazy stories. They balanced each other perfectly.

My bubble of happiness burst as Jasper's phone buzzed and I heard the familiar ring tone start to play. _Angel_ by Aerosmith. It was Alice, Jasper's longtime love. Peter made a gagging motion with his hand and Jasper flipped him off, smiling and retreating back to his office. I had never been a huge fan of Alice, even though I had only met her a couple of times. She had grown up in Texas with the boys, and she had been Jasper's childhood sweetheart. She moved to New York two years ago to work in the fashion industry. One night when she was in town visiting Jasper, I was helping close up the bar and she decided I was her new BFF. I think she just liked to talk and brag. She rambled on about how she worked for some magazine styling the models and how she found it fulfilling and creatively stimulating and blah blah blah. The amazing thing about Alice was she had no trace of a southern accent, whatsoever. Peter liked to say she had gotten above her raising. I liked to say she was just a bitch.

Jasper emerged from his office, ending the call on his phone.

"What the hell did she want?" Peter asked, not even attempting to hide the disdain in his voice.

"Fuck if I know. She was in some bar in Manhattan and was telling me about some new flavor of Martini they were serving. Said we should start making them here." I detected a hint of resentment in his voice. I got the feeling Alice always made Jasper feel like he wasn't good enough.

"Does she think we need her fucking advice on how to run a bar? Looks like we have done just fine without her." Peter made no secret of the fact that he couldn't stand her.

"Yeah, I guess so," he scoffed. "By the way, Pete, she's coming to town tomorrow."

"What! No, Jasper! Why?" Peter whined. It sounded like a little boy but it was oddly endearing.

"That magazine she works for is doing some photo shoot in Mexico and she'll be passing through on her way. Her flight has an overnight layover here in Austin." I sensed that maybe Jasper was not happy about this. Or maybe I was trying to read too much into his words.

"Dude, do you know how gay you just sounded?" Peter teased.

With that, Jasper flung his wet towel at Peter, and Peter jumped over the bar to get away from him. They playfully chased each other around the bar for a few more minutes. Watching them made my heart fill with joy. It was a strange feeling; I hadn't felt happiness since I left Forks.

Too quickly the night picked up, and Peter was right; it was extremely busy. He was also right in assuming I would make a lot of money. The rodeo cowboys were having fun drinking and dancing, and the tips were plentiful.

Before I knew it, it was last call and time to start cleaning up. It was another waitress' turn, but I volunteered. Apparently it had been a very successful night all around, as Peter and Jasper, who bartended, were also very happy with the night's take. Their moods were better than normal.

I was clearing off and wiping down tables and I saw Peter out of the corner of my eye. He gave me a sly grin as he dropped some coins in the juke box and punched the numbers. I giggled as I heard the song start to play. He knew I hated country music, but it was impossible to resist Johnny Cash. Peter walked toward me, offering me his hand. I giggled and took it. He was no more coordinated than me, and we twirled around the dance floor doing some awkward version of the two-step. I caught a glimpse of Jasper standing a few feet away. His expression was something that I couldn't recognize. I was distracted long enough to step on Peter's boot, causing me to trip forward and land chest to chest with him. We were both laughing uncontrollably when I heard the sweet, deep voice behind me. Then I felt his hand on my waist.

"It's not fair that Pete gets all the fun. May I cut in?" Jasper asked.

I turned to face him, turning redder than I thought possible. He took one of my hands and wrapped his strong arm around my waist. Before I could spontaneously combust, the song ended. I reluctantly squirmed out of Jasper's grasp, as I tried to smile.

"Song's over," I sighed. I turned to finish my tables and Jasper disappeared into his office. Peter finished drying and putting away the remainder of the glasses, and we were done.

We gathered in the small back room retrieving our things from our lockers.

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" they asked in unison.

"Oh, nothing. I just forgot to call myself a cab. It's alright, I can walk."

"Bella, it is three in the morning and the streets are deserted. It could be dangerous," Jasper replied.

"Really, it's fine. I walk home a lot of nights like this." The looks on their faces said I wouldn't be walking home alone anymore.

"I'll take ya home, Bella. It's no big deal," Peter spoke up.

"No. I've got it," Jasper answered too quickly.

There was no point in arguing. Jasper opened the passenger door to his Range Rover, and I reluctantly climbed in.

When he was behind the wheel, I spouted off directions. The short ride was spent in silence. Jasper pulled to the sidewalk in front of the apartment complex and I hopped out, giving a quick 'thanks' over my shoulder. He waited until I was safely inside the building before he pulled out.

I came home to find Edward already in bed. The door to his room was shut tightly and all the lights were off. I turned on a lamp beside the couch and sat my things down on the kitchen table. Edward had left a list of what he expected to be packed for his breakfast and lunch tomorrow. I wadded it up and threw it in the trash. I was so wired from the busy night and then the ride home with Jasper, that I knew it would be nearly impossible to fall asleep. I opened the cabinet in the kitchen where I knew Edward kept his stash. I pulled out a plastic baggy, taking just a pinch of the marijuana inside, and carefully rolled it in the paper.

I retreated to my bedroom, washed my face and put on my most comfortable pajamas. I laid back on my bed, lighting and inhaling the joint. I found a Family Guy marathon on television and got my journal out of my nightstand.

_Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?  
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?_

I woke to someone pounding on my bedroom door. I glanced over at my alarm clock. Oh, fuck! It was seven and I didn't have Edward's things together. I jumped out of bed and opened my door. Edward's face looked like he might literally explode.

"Do you know what fucking time it is?" he screamed.

"Sorry, Edward. I just didn't get home until late and I forgot to set my alarm. I can still get your stuff ready. I-"

"Save it. Honestly, Isabella-how hard is it to have my things ready to go at seven? I don't think I ask very much of you. It looks like you could remember. I guess it is out of your scope of comprehension. Some of us have real lives and responsibilities. Not everyone lays around the house and sleeps all day and then works at a glorified brothel at night," he spat, in the condescending tone that he knows I loathe.

"Edward, I'm-"

"I fucking said to shut up!" He grabbed both my shoulders, shoving me back onto my mattress with all his strength.

I laid there, shocked and terrified. Things had never been physical between us before. The tears came uncontrollably.

"So what? You're gonna cry now? Save it for someone who gives a shit." He stomped out of my room slamming my door so hard it caused my picture to fall from the wall.

I scurried to pick up the shattered frame. It was one of the only pictures I had of my mother, who died when I was just a baby. I clasped the broken glass to my chest, as the uncontrollable sobs racked my body.

Five hours later, I peeled myself off the floor.


	2. Gunpowder & Lead

**Way too long & boring author's note: Thanks so much to everyone who read/reviewed/alerted this lil' story. I haven't had a chance to reply to them because work has been a real pisser lately, but know that I appreciate each & every one. This chapter is very dark. It contains a scene of domestic violence, so if you are uncomfortable with that, please skip it. If you would like a summary, PM mean and I'll give you this synopsis. I promise, after a few chapters, we are gonna really have some fun with this bunch. I hope everyone sticks with me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it or make any profit from this.**

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-Gunpowder and Lead-

I was so hurt and confused. But more than anything, I was worried about Edward. This was not him. He was so much better than that. But sadly, Edward had succumbed to his addiction. I knew he needed help, but he would never listen to me. I thought briefly about calling his parents, but then realized it would do more harm than good. I literally had nowhere to turn.

I decided I would do my best to make amends with him. I could not have him kick me out. I didn't make nearly enough money to live on my own, and I had no desire to move back to Forks with Charlie. I scribbled down the words that would become my personal mantra.

_I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

I washed my face with cool water and pulled my hair into a loose ponytail. I put on some comfy sweats and headed out. I went to the market to pick up all Edward's favorite things. I bought his favorite soap, toothpaste, deodorant, fruit, cereal, detergent-everything I could think of. I picked up the ingredients to make his favorite dinner, fettuccini alfredo, and fresh vegetables for a salad.

When I returned home, I cleaned the house from top to bottom and did all the laundry. Normally, Edward didn't like me in his bedroom, but I decided to be nice and change his bed sheets. I noticed a folded piece of paper lying on top of his dresser. It was so unlike Edward to have any kind of clutter that I couldn't help but look at it.

_Edward-  
I had a great time with you last night.  
Call me!  
XOXO  
Lauren_

There was an imprint of red lipstick below the writing. Well, wasn't this fantastic. My drug using, abusive boyfriend was now having an affair. And he didn't even have the decency to try to cover it up. I have got to get out of here.

I folded the paper back up, leaving it exactly as I found it. I finished Edward's dinner and left it on the stove with a note telling him the salad was in the refrigerator. And then it was time to go to work again.

Tonight I didn't have the same gusto I normally do when going to work. Even after a hot shower, my muscles ached with tension. Not to mention that my shoulders hurt like hell. Edward may have been small for a guy, but he was very strong.

I dressed in a loose pair of faded jeans and a red flannel shirt that I tied around my waist. I didn't feel like fixing my hair, so I pulled it into a loose bun. I did my best with concealer and mascara, but my eyes were still puffy and red. I made sure the house was in perfect order and left for work.

I decided to walk again. It was another beautiful spring night. I noticed Jasper and Peter had ridden their motorcycles to work tonight. I opened the door to the employee entrance and found Jasper standing there, same as yesterday. I chuckled as I saw what he was wearing.

"Nice outfit," I smirked, smiling for the first time today. He was wearing dark jeans and a red flannel shirt.

"Great minds think alike," he returned my smile.

Then I was hit with a pang of guilt. In the drama of the day, I had forgotten how rude I was to Jasper last night when he drove me home.

"Hey, Jasper. I'm sorry about last night. I was so rude. I really do appreciate the ride home."

Jasper opened his voice to speak, but it wasn't his beautiful voice I heard.

"Isn't my man just a knight in shining armor," Alice purred in her annoyingly proper voice, emerging from behind him and wrapping her arms around Jasper's waist and giving me a sly grin.

"Yeah, he's great," I said softly.

Jasper looked uncomfortable as he took Alice by the hand leading her into the bar. Even though the bar had already opened, there were only a few regulars sitting around their usual tables.

I smiled, asking them all if they needed anything, which they didn't. Peter was in the far corner playing darts.

"I fucking hate her," he said softly as I walked up behind him.

"Who?" I asked innocently.

"You know goddamn good and well who I mean," he answered without looking at me, continuing to assault the board.

"Easy, Pete. You're gonna throw the darts completely through the wall."

He finally turned to smile at me. "Sorry, Bells. It's just her. Her voice, her attitude, her manners. It drives me crazy. She thinks she is so much better than us."

I nodded and smiled.

"Holy shit, Bella! What is wrong with your eyes?" he asked, concerned.

"Oh, nothing. I think I might be allergic to my new make-up."

"I call bullshit. You have been crying over that sorry ass piece of shit again, haven't you?"

"Don't worry about it. It's nothing."

"Bella, your crying is not 'nothing'. What did he do this time?"

"I really don't want to talk about it right now."

Peter opened his mouth to speak again, but quickly snapped it shut as Jasper and Alice walked toward us. Instead, he put his arm around me and gave me a reassuring look. I thought I may break down again, but I fought against the tears.

"Hmph, careful Peter. Too much of that and I'll have to tell Charlotte," Alice quipped, only half joking.

"Go ahead. Char knows that Bella is one of my best friends," he answered.

What? I was one of his best friends? Surely he didn't really care about me? He must be trying to piss her off.

I looked appreciatively at Peter who was still hugging me. I saw another expression on Jasper's face that I didn't really recognize…jealousy? No, I'm just hallucinating.

"Jazz…oh my god…I have got to play a song!" Alice danced to the juke box. I noticed Jasper cringe slightly at her choice of nickname for him.

Alice quickly found what she wanted, jumping and clapping her hands as the music started. The three of us let out a collective groan as she danced toward us.

"What?" she asked.

"Seriously, Alice? Do you know how many fucking times a night we have to hear this song?" Peter answered his aggravation apparent.

"No. But come on! We are in a bar in Texas! I thought this song would be perfect," she whined.

"Well, you thought wrong," Peter answered again.

Jasper and I tried unsuccessfully to stifle our giggles. Alice gave us a death stare and stomped off to Jasper's office.

"Was that necessary, Pete?" Jasper asked.

"What?" he replied innocently.

"Ugh. She's gonna be unbearable the rest of the night. I hope you're happy."

Peter shrugged his shoulders as Jasper stalked off after Alice. I couldn't help but giggle again.

"You're awful," I called to Peter as I left to attend to my tables.

"Me?" he asked with a devilish grin.

The night picked up and my mood got better. I made quite a bit in tips and the crowd was a fun one. Eventually, my shift was over and it was time to go. I called a cab and went to gather my things. Once again, I found Jasper standing there.

"Not stayin' to help tonight?" he asked.

"No…well, I mean I can if you need me to."

"Nah, that's ok, honey. You help us out too much anyway. You are too good to us," he smiled. "Do you need a ride?"

"Oh, no. I already called a cab."

"Too bad. You would enjoy the bike."

"Yeah, I would love a ride. On the bike, I mean," I blushed, naturally.

"Well, maybe one day, then." Jasper moved very close to me, leaning down to look in my eyes. "Bella, I want you to know something. If you ever need anything-we are here for you."

I was speechless. I could not tear myself away from the gaze of his perfectly blue eyes. A car honked its horn outside and Jasper looked away.

"That's my ride." I quickly gathered my things and all but ran out the back door.

My mind was all over the place as I returned home. I opened the apartment door and was completely shocked by what I found. The house was a disaster. There was an empty pizza box laying out and beer bottles littered throughout the living room and kitchen. The dinner I cooked sat on the stove, untouched. On the kitchen table were more remnants of what had obviously been a wild night-a mirror, a razor blade, and some rolled up one-hundred dollar bills that still had the residue of white powder on the inside. I became scared. I was worried for a minute that we had been robbed or that something had happened to Edward. This was completely unlike him.

I crept to his bedroom, cracking the door open. Edward was passed out face down on top of his covers wearing only his boxers. His face was covered with red lipstick. I recognized the color. I went to open the door further, when it hit against something in the floor. I looked down to find a cheap pair of red Fuck Me heels. What did she wear home? No, she wouldn't. I stomped to the hall closet and threw open the door. I cursed under my breath. My favorite pair of Converse was gone. I closed the door and ran back into the kitchen, throwing up in the sink. I was hurt. I was mad. I was scared. I was embarrassed. I was miserable. I grabbed an orange pill bottle from Edward's drawer and poured out three blue pills. I washed them down with a glass of tap water. I collapsed on top of my bed still wearing my clothes.

"Isabella!" the familiar screaming woke me from my drug induced slumber.

I hopped out of bed, running to the kitchen. The clock on the stove showed two p.m. Holy fucking shit. It was Sunday, but Edward still liked to get up early. He usually disappeared by ten.

"What," I mumbled.

"Why have you not cleaned up this mess," he was seething in anger.

"Because it's not my mess to clean up, Edward," I answered calmly. "Why don't you get your little whore to clean it up for you?"

"Excuse me? What did you say?" His face was becoming redder by the second. His normally beautiful features were twisted with anger.

"You heard me. I saw your face last night, Edward. You were covered in her lipstick. And she left her cheap Payless heels sitting in your floor. And she stole my favorite shoes! My favorite fucking shoes, Edward!"

"I don't know what you are insinuating. I had a study session last night with a friend from medical school." He ran his hands through his disheveled bronze hair.

"Bullshit! I'm not stupid!"

"You are, actually. But that's a story for a different time. Now, why don't you make yourself useful and clean this up."

"No."

"What?"

"Did I stutter? No."

"You do not tell me no. And you don't talk back to me. You are nothing but a common street whore. You are uneducated and ignorant. No one cares about you. Not me. Not your father or your dead whore of a mother!"

I stood in front of Edward, stunned.

"Did I stutter, Bella? I think not. Now clean this fucking shit up!"

"No," I replied in a whisper.

Before I realized what was happening, the back of Edward's right hand slammed into my cheek. I stumbled backward, tripping over the coffee table and falling to the floor. Edward jumped on top of me, and landed another punch. I felt the skin above my left eye break open and the blood trickle down my face. My instincts took over as I managed to free one of my legs from his weight, giving a firm kick to his stomach.

He recoiled, landing on the floor. I sprung up toward my bedroom, running for my nightstand. Being the daughter of a cop has its benefits. I opened the drawer and pulled out my loaded .38 pistol. I cocked the trigger. Edward stumbled into my room, but was stopped dead in his tracks as I aimed the gun directly at his chest.

"You don't have the nerve," he said through gritted teeth.

"Care to find out," I replied calmly.

"You have gone completely crazy," he scoffed.

"Trust me. You have not seen crazy yet."

"Oddly enough, I believe you." He turned and stalked out my door. I heard him grab his keys and slam the door on his way out.

I didn't know how much time I had. I was woozy from the left over effects of the sleep aids from the night before combined with my head injury. I grabbed my phone and dialed the only number I could think of. I said a silent prayer that Peter would answer.

"Southern Comfort," Jasper's sweet voice drawled through the line.

Ok, keep it together Bella. "Jasper. Hey, it's Bella. I'm sorry to call. I thought you or Peter might be there doing payroll and I didn't have anyone else." My voice came out shakier than I would have liked.

"Bella! What's wrong? Where are you?"

"I'm at the apartment. It's Edward. He-"

"I'll be there in five minutes." The phone line went dead.

In a panic I pulled out a duffle bag and started cramming whatever I could grab inside of it.

Jasper knocked on my door three minutes later.


	3. He Doesn't Look a Thing Like Jesus

**I own nothing and make no money from this.**

-He Doesn't Look a Thing Like Jesus-

Jasper gasped as he took in my appearance. "Where is he? I will kill him."

"He's gone. And I don't know how much time we have. I'm sorry. I had no one else to call." I couldn't fight the sobs any longer. Jasper wrapped his arms around me as I collapsed into his chest.

"It's ok. He will never hurt you again. Let's get you out of here."

I pulled back and wiped my eyes, noticing I had covered the front of Jasper's t-shirt with a mixture of tears, snot, and blood.

"Shit! I'm so sorry!"

"It's only a shirt, sweetheart. Now, where's your room?"

I led Jasper to my bedroom and we packed another suitcase full of my things. I went into the bathroom to pack a few of my toiletries, catching a glimpse of myself for the first time. I gasped in horror as I took in my appearance. My left cheek was bruised and red. There was a cut above my left eye that probably needed stitches. My eye was already starting to bruise and was nearly swollen together.

I pulled it together and finished getting my things packed. I could not get all my stuff. I would have to return another time to get the rest of it. Definitely while Edward was at school.

Jasper cleaned the dried blood from under my eye and grabbed a pack of peas from the freezer, which I applied to my swollen and bruised face.

We didn't speak again until we were safely outside in Jasper's Range Rover. He buckled me in and sped away.

"I'm glad you didn't have the bike today," I attempted to joke.

"It's raining, honey," he answered. I hadn't noticed.

"Oh," I whispered.

"I really think you need to go to the hospital, Bella. That cut above your eye needs stitches."

"Please! Please, no! They will ask a ton of questions. And I don't have any insurance and can't afford the bill. Please?"

"You know I can pay the bill for you. But if you don't want to go, that's your decision. I can probably patch it up at home."

"Home?"

"Yes. You're coming to my house to stay."

"No. That's too much trouble. I can stay in a hotel," I protested.

"You don't need to be alone. That type of head injury can have a delayed reaction. And what if he found you?"

Well, that did make sense. "Ok," I reluctantly agreed. "But I will pay you rent."

"Don't insult me like that, Bella." He was smiling when he said it, but I could tell he was very serious.

"Fine," I mumbled.

The drive to Jasper's house was spent in comfortable silence. I knew Peter and Jasper lived on their family's farm. It was about twenty minutes outside of town. My interest piqued as we approached a white picket fence encasing acres of farmland.

"This is it," Jasper said softly. He turned right onto a gravel driveway that was flanked on both sides by the fence; I could see the house ahead in the distance. My eyes widened as I took in the scenery. It looked like a fucking Norman Rockwell painting.

The house was old but very well maintained. It was two stories with white siding and black shutters. Both floors had large porches spanning the length of the house with numerous rocking chairs and swings. To the right was a red barn and to the left was an older wooden building that had chickens walking around outside of it. In the distance I could see cows grazing in the fields and horses running. I had to blink twice to make sure I had not hallucinated this place. Jasper pulled behind the house into a modern garage that did not match the rest of the property.

"I had to hide the garage back here. Couldn't deface the front of the property," he smiled, answering my silent question.

I nodded as I stepped out of his SUV. I noticed the motorcycles parked in the back of the garage. Peter's car was nowhere in sight.

"Peter at work?" I asked casually.

"No. He's visiting Charlotte in Houston for a few days, actually."

"Oh." I wasn't sure if I was disappointed or not.

He led me in the backdoor of the house. We entered into a small utility room that housed the washer and dryer. Jasper sat my bags down and led me into the kitchen. I gasped as I took it in. While the outside of the house still had the classic country look, the inside was thoroughly modern. The kitchen was large and open, with cherry cabinets, dark granite counter tops, and professional grade stainless steel appliances. The kitchen had an attached breakfast nook and formal dining room. It opened into the den, which may have been the coziest room I had ever seen. It was furnished with over-sized dark leather furniture that sat in front of a rock fireplace that looked original to the house. Above it hung the biggest plasma television I had ever seen. In the back of the den was a set of stairs. We continued through the den down a narrow hallway. Until this point I hadn't noticed the floors, which appeared to be original hardwood.

"This is my room," Jasper pointed to a bedroom on the left side of the hallway. "And this will be your room. I mean, if that's ok," he said as he motioned to a room on the opposite side of the hall.

I looked inside to find a king bed on the back wall, with a wrought iron headboard and the most comfortable looking bedding I had ever seen. There was a matching dresser and nightstand, and on the wall opposite of the bed hung another flat screen tv. It looked like heaven.

"This is perfect," I sighed.

"Are you sure? Because if it's not, there's another guestroom upstairs next to Peter's room."

"It's great, Jasper. It's too much." I smiled.

"We will have to share a bathroom, though. Sorry."

"That's no problem. I mean…I'm ok with it if you are?"

"Of course," he smiled. "I'll try not to leave the toilet seat up or my dirty towels layin' around."

The thought of touching one of his wet bath towels made my heart flutter.

"Now. I really need to attend to that cut, darlin'."

"Shit. Ok." I had been so distracted by my new surroundings I had nearly forgotten the throbbing in my head.

He led me into the bathroom, instructing me to sit on the counter. I watched as he got his supplies together-tweezers, rubbing alcohol, cotton balls, sewing scissors, a needle and thread, Neosporin. I began to panic.

"Bella, that wound has to be closed, or it will leave a horrible scar. Have you changed your mind about going to the hospital?"

I shook my head, fighting off the dizziness and nausea. Please don't let me puke on Jasper.

"Ok, then. You have to trust me. Normally I would give you a couple shots of liquor beforehand. But after a head injury, it's not a good idea to have anything that could cause drowsiness."

I nodded again, unable to open my mouth for fear I may spew vomit in his face.

I watched as he methodically got his supplies ready. He soaked the cotton balls in the alcohol and then poured it over the tweezers and scissors. He pulled a lighter from his pocket and held in under the needle for a few seconds after threading it. He positioned himself between my legs, leaning his body on the counter.

"Be very still."

I flinched as he opened the cut with the tweezers, carefully examining it and then cleaning it with the cotton balls, which burned like the fire of hell its self. But I kept still, focused on the deep blue pools that were Jasper's eyes.

"Ok, I'm going to start sewing now," he said just above a whisper.

I closed my eyes and prepared for the pain. It wasn't as severe as I feared. Jasper was very skilled and worked quickly. His hands twirled and twisted the needle and thread, tying neat knots and cutting the string repeatedly. When he was finished, he went over it again with the alcohol, and finished with the Neosporin. I opened my eyes and found Jasper's face only inches from my own.

"There. I think it will heal nicely," he remarked as he kissed the top of my head.

My heart nearly leapt from my chest. He pulled back, and the look on his face said he regretted doing that. I smiled at him, reassuringly.

"Thanks. So much." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, giving him a warm hug.

I pulled away after a few seconds. "Well, let's take a look at your handy work," I said as I hopped off the counter and turned around.

I was convinced a skilled surgeon couldn't have done a better job. "That looks great. I mean as good as it can look," I added. "Do you think it will still leave a scar?"

"Probably so." My face fell. "But scars aren't necessarily a bad thing, Bella. They serve as a reminder of what we've been through, what we've overcome."

Wow, philosophical much, Jasper? That was a side I hadn't seen before. However, it was oddly beautiful and appropriate.

"So, where did you learn how to do that?"

"In the Army."

"I didn't know you were in the Army."

"Yep," he answered. His tone indicated that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. So I dropped the subject.

"Umm, do you mind if I take a bath?" I suddenly felt disgusting realizing I hadn't bathed since yesterday before work. And the soaking tub looked so very tempting.

"Not at all. I want you to make yourself at home here. Just don't get the cut wet."

"Thanks. Again."

"Like I said before, it's no problem."

He gathered up his homemade suture kit and left me alone in the bathroom. I turned on the bathwater and found Jasper had already placed my bags in my make shift bedroom. I got my bag of toiletries and some comfortable clothes and returned to the bathroom.

The bath felt heavenly. I felt like every muscle in my body had been clenched tight for the last six hours, which I guess they had. I soaked until the water started to get cold and my hands pruned. After I toweled off and dressed, I realized my head was still pounding. I grabbed the bottle I pills I had swiped from the apartment and swallowed two of them dry.

I left my hair wet and messy and went back into the living room to find Jasper, who was spread across the largest couch flipping through the channels. I plopped down ungracefully on the loveseat and we sat in silence. I nearly drifted off to sleep when Jasper spoke.

"What would you like for dinner?" he asked.

On cue, my stomach growled. I couldn't remember when I ate last.

"Doesn't matter. I could cook something."

"Don't be ridiculous. How about I call in some Chinese takeout?"

My mouth watered at the sound of that and I happily agreed. Jasper pulled out his fancy iPhone and called in the order.

"Do you want to go with me to pick it up, or do you feel comfortable staying here?" he asked. I wasn't used to having to make so many decisions. Edward usually just told me what to do.

"I'll just stay here. Unless you don't want me to be here without you?"

"Bella, you have got to stop that. You can do whatever you want. Come and go as you please. I have a Jeep parked out back that I use to ride around the farm. You are more than welcome to drive it. Or, you can have the Range Rover. Whatever you like."

I must have had a completely dumbfounded look on my face. I had never been treated like this before.

"What did he do to you?" I heard Jasper murmur under his breath as he stood up. "What's your number, Bella?" he asked.

"Huh?" I was losing the ability to form complete thoughts.

"Your cell phone number? Never mind. I'll just call my phone from yours so it will store it."

"Ok," I whispered, pointing to the end table where my phone was laying. I was fighting to hold my eyes open.

"I know; you've had such a rough day. Get some rest and I'll be back soon. My number should be stored in your phone now, too. In case you need me. I'll be back in less than an hour. Is there anything you need?"

I shook my head, stretching out on my side. He chuckled as he grabbed his keys and exited through the back door. I was asleep before I heard him crank his car.

"Bella! Bella! Please wake-up!"

My eyes shot open in a panic. Where was I? How did I get here? Why was my head still pounding?

I looked up to find Jasper's beautiful face only inches from my own. Right. I was at Jasper's house. Edward and I had a fight. Jasper rescued me. Right? But I was in a bed. Last I remember I was on a couch. Right? Jasper saw my confusion, as he sighed and smiled slightly.

"Bella, you have been asleep for nearly twenty hours. You were out cold last night when I got back with our food. I thought it was just your body's natural defense to recover from all the stress you have been through. So, I let you sleep it off. I kept a check on you through the night, and you seemed to be fine. Then, when you didn't wake up this morning I started to get worried. I have been in your room for the last thirty minutes trying to wake you. I was getting ready to call 911. You really had me scared shitless."

I sat up and looked around the room, still groggy. Jasper's worry was evident on his face. Oh, shit! I'm such a terrible person.

"Jasper! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!"

"There is nothing to forgive. I was just worried about you, Bella."

"It will never happen again. I promise."

"Relax, honey. I am not mad at you."

"You're not?" I asked, confused again.

"Listen to me. I'm not sure what you are used to, but I am _not_ Edward. I don't get mad over petty things. And I don't control every move you make."

I nodded my head in acceptance of the fact that I had become a purely pathetic woman.

"Don't be down on yourself. You've been through a lot. When you're ready to talk about it, I'm here for ya." He put a reassuring arm around my shoulder.

"Can I-I mean-I'm going to take a bath."

"Alright, darlin'. When you're done I have homemade biscuits and gravy waitin' in the kitchen."

I crawled out of bed, realizing I was still in my clothes from the night before. I grabbed my bag and stumbled to the bathroom. Ugh. I looked worse than I felt. My eye was completely circled in a bruise now, and my other cheek was still swollen. I started my bathwater and took a handful of the blue pills. They had helped my head after all. And if two pills were good, seven pills had to be better, right? I climbed down in the tub letting the hot water run over my face and head. I squirted in my favorite scented body wash and leaned my head against the back of the tub.

"Bella! Bella! Oh fucking hell Bella! Please!" Jasper pleaded. I felt a spash of ice cold water hit me in the face. I opened my eyes slowly.

Oh fuck. How did this happen? I was going to take a bath and…oh, hell! I'm still in the damn tub! And naked! Shit shit shit shit!

"Bella! Oh, thank God!" Jasper wrapped his arms around me into a hug.

I couldn't bring myself to care that I was naked or freezing cold. I just wanted to close my eyes again…just for a second…

"Oh no you don't!" Jasper screamed, shaking my body. I barely opened one of my eyes.

"How many of these fucking things did you take?!" Jasper shook the empty orange pill bottle in front of my face.

"Um, seven, I think," I sleepily mumbled.

"Fuck!" Jasper yelled. "Get out of the tub. Now, Bella!"

I tried to put my hands on the tub and lift myself out. It was no use, they felt like noodles. I flopped back into the water.

There was a steady stream of 'fuck' rolling off Jasper's lips as he lifted my limp, naked body out of the tub, wrapping me in a towel. He sat me in the floor in front of the toilet.

"Puke," he commanded.

"Huh?" I asked.

"You have got to get that shit out of your system. Now, a finger is going down your throat. Yours or mine?" Jasper was firm and commanding, but I could see the sympathy in his eyes.

And then it registered. Apparently I had reached an all new level of stupidity. I had fucking overdosed. The realization set in that I might very well die, soaking wet and naked on Jasper's bathroom floor.

I got on my knees and stuck my index finger down my throat as far as possible.

When it was over I collapsed on the floor, still covered only by the bath towel. Jasper wiped my face with a cool washcloth and helped me to my feet. I stumbled into my bedroom and Jasper helped me put on pajamas. He had not spoken again. I was certain that he hated me. He helped me into bed, pulling the covers tight around me.

"Jasper, I am so sorry. I understand if you hate me and never want to see me again. I'll find somewhere to go tomorrow. I can stay in a hotel until I can catch a flight ho-"

"I don't want you to leave, Bella," he said as he lay on top of the covers next to me.

"You don't?"

"No. I want you to stay here. But you have to promise me-no more drugs. You can't bring that shit in here, Bella."

"I promise. I mean, it's not like I have a problem or anything. I just…had a headache. And those pills helped me feel better."

"That is a conversation for another time, Bella. Right now you need to rest. I'll stay right here with you."

Tears streamed down my eyes as I realized what I had done. I thought over Jasper's words. Did I have a problem? I went over the facts in my head. I mean it's not like I used _bad_ drugs. Sure, I would smoke a little pot, or take a few pills. But who didn't? It's not like I needed it. Did I? How often did I use? Better question-how long had it been since I had gone a day without taking something? The cold hard facts were overwhelming. I had developed my own drug addiction. The tears poured like rain as I silently sobbed into my pillow. Jasper rubbed the back of my head gently.

"It will be ok. I promise you, Bella. It seems impossible now, but it does get easier. Things will be fine. I'm here to help you."

His soothing words only caused me more pain. What had I done to him? He opened his home to me, and this is how I thank him? By almost dying in his bathtub? I am such a horrible person. I sobbed myself into oblivion and eventually sleep found me.

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**So I decided to mix it up a lil and put my ramblings down here instead of up top. Hope you enjoyed it. The title of this chapter is from the Killer's _When You Were Young_ and the reason I picked is for the second part of the line..._"He doesn't look a thing like Jesus, but more than you'll ever know."_ Anyway, I just loved it. Let me know what you think. Good? Bad? Ugly? You know what to do...**


	4. Truth or Consequence

**Thanks so much for the reviews/alerts/favs. You guys are awesome. Just because I don't have the chance to answer reviews doesn't mean I don't read them. They make my day, I swear. So, Bella is trying to turn her life around. There will be more speed bumps along the way, but she's headed in a good path. Now we are going to learn a little bit more about Jasper's story...  
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**I own nothing and make no money from this.

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-Truth or Consequence-

When I woke, Jasper was sitting on the edge of the bed sipping a cup of coffee.

"Feel better?" he smiled.

"Some," I answered honestly.

"Listen, Bella. We need to have a talk."

I knew where this was going. "I know. And I'll be gone by this afternoon, I promise. If you'll just drive me to a hotel?"

"I told you, I'm not kicking you out. But as I said before, you have to promise me that you will not use drugs while in this house. There are things about me that you don't know, and I think it's time I told you."

I propped myself up on a pillow and waited for Jasper to continue. "It's a beautiful day outside. Why don't we go sit on the porch? Get dressed and I'll grab you a cup of coffee and meet you out there."

I nodded as he rose and walked out of my room. Well, I had certainly outdone myself in the ridiculous department. In the span of a few days I had become homeless, single, a drug addict, and possibly unemployed. I remembered Jasper's words from the day before. Did I have a problem? I pulled out my journal and flipped to the beginning. The things I read cut deeper than Edward's fists. It was the first time I did cocaine. Edward had convinced me to try it. I had written down the words he spoke to me immediately after I snorted my first line followed by my reaction.

_-Can you feel it? Are you high love, tell me-are you fucking high?  
-I'm all lit up, on the couch, in my bed. I'm all lit up-flying. I love the cocaine._

The tears came again as the cold hard realization set in. How had this happened? But this is not me! I'm better than this. Aren't I? Oh, God, please let this be a nightmare.

I pulled myself off the bed and went into the bathroom, quickly showering and getting dressed. I brushed my teeth for what felt like eternity, trying to scrub the disgusting feeling from my body. I slowly walked out on the porch to meet Jasper, unsure of what he was about to tell me.

He was sitting in the porch swing taking a long draw off his cigarette. I sat in the rocking chair next to him and prepared myself for the worst. I nervously sipped my coffee waiting for him to start.

"Do you know anything about my past, Bella?" he asked in a low voice.

I shook my head.

"I wasn't sure if Peter had told you anything or not. It's not pretty. I have done a lot of things I'm ashamed of. I guess I should start at the beginning." He took another drag before tossing his cigarette over the porch railing. "My father died when I was very young. He was an alcoholic, and was driving home from a bar one night when he ran off the road into a tree. He was killed instantly. Have you noticed how Peter and I police the door of the bar, making sure no one drives that has been drinking?"

I nodded my head in recognition. They hired bouncers that patrolled the exits and the parking lots.

He continued, "I was the oldest and became the man of the family. I was only thirteen, Peter was ten. We took up the responsibilities of the farm, making sure all the work was done and that things ran smoothly. It was a hard life, but a happy one. My mother was an incredible woman. She held us together and taught us to be strong men. The summer after my senior year of high school, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was already accepted into college at UT, but now I couldn't go. Despite my mother's protests, I stayed behind to care for her. She fought bravely for two years. She died when I was twenty." A single tear escaped his eye which he quickly wiped away with the back of his hand.

"After her death, I went off the deep end. I fell in with the wrong crowd and started drinking heavily. Alice broke up with me. I was completely lost and hurt and angry, and I turned to drugs to numb the pain. But it was never enough. I became violent. One night at a friend's house, I got into a fight with another guy. I beat him nearly to death. The police were called and I was arrested. I had a bag of coke in my pocket when they picked me up. I was charged with felony assault and possession of a controlled substance. I was going to prison. My only other option was to join the military, so I enlisted in the Army. Peter was only eighteen at the time and left completely alone. Charlotte's family was kind enough to take him in, and he lived with them until he was able to be on his own. I served three years in the Army. I did two tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. I learned very quickly about the value of human life and how easily it's taken. I made a vow that if I survived, I would no longer waste mine. I returned home to the farm when my time was finished. Peter and I slaved tirelessly to return it to working order. We re-did the house ourselves. I used some of my mother's life insurance to purchase the bar. In my mind, I traced all my problems back to my father's death. It's really ironic; the child of an alcoholic owning a bar. Somehow I thought that if I could get close to those people, I could prevent it from happening. I could cut them off when they had too much or prevent them from driving home. Call it a God complex, but it took away a lot of the guilt I carried."

I couldn't think of a thing to say. Instead I hung my head, allowing the tears to fall once again. Jasper had gone through so much…and then I do this to him, in his own house! I'm a horrible person. I was certain he hated me and would never speak to me again.

"J-jasper," I stuttered, "you have no idea how sorry I am about everything. After everything you've been through, I go and do something stupid like this? I'm a terrible person."

"You are not a terrible person, Bella. I know you, and you are a great person. You are funny and caring and kind. And you can beat this. But do you understand why I say there can't be, under any circumstances, any drugs in this house? It would be too much of a temptation."

I nodded my head in sad recognition. "How long did it take? I mean, do you still feel like you want to…"

"Every day," he said just above a whisper.

"I've just made everything in to such a fucking mess! I have nowhere to go…no money! I just don't think I can do it, Jasper."

"Yes you can. And you can stay here for as long as you want."

"No! You guys are so busy, and you have more important things to deal with than my stupid problems."

"Your problems are not stupid, Bella. And as for important things to do-Peter spends his days alternating between Guitar Hero and Call of Duty on the Xbox."

I giggled for the first time in what felt like days. We sat on the porch in the hot morning sun for hours. Jasper was right. I was better than this. I could beat this. Edward had turned me into a pitiful, defeated woman, but I knew I was better than that. The real me was buried somewhere deep inside, and I was determined to find her.

Jasper left to go tend to some things on the farm, and I went back inside to my room and opened my journal. Today was a fresh start.

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**So, I have a question for you guys..._I think_ I'm going to stick with Bella's POV for this story, but if any of you would like to hear more of Jasper's backstory or his POV, I would write them as outtakes, or maybe even another story based on his character. Let me know what ya think...you know what to do...**


	5. Learn to Live Again

**Reviews/alerts/favs are pure awesomeness! So, Bella is starting to heal, inside and out. But it's not going to be all sunshine and roses. **

**I don't own any of these characters or make any money from this.

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-Learn to Live Again-

The next few days were pure misery. I spent my time locked away in my room, mostly because I couldn't stand for Jasper to see me in that condition.

I was constantly sweaty, but freezing. I was so nauseated the only thing I managed to hold down was some dry toast and Sprite. I was nervous, unable to concentrate, and restless. If I did manage to get a few hours of sleep I was plagued by horrible nightmares. My muscles ached and were incredibly stiff.

In short, it was like I was trapped in my own living, breathing version of hell.

Jasper never bothered me; he never tried to butt into my business. He simply let me be, which is exactly what I needed. If I was going to beat this thing, I was going to have to be strong enough to do it on my own. And I had to make sure that I _wanted_ to do it, which may sound like an easy decision, but trust me, it isn't.

Sometimes I thought of how easy it would be to go back to Edward and my old life. Sure, he would be pissed, but he would get over it. He always did. A few hours of begging and I could be right back to my old apartment living my old life. With an endless supply of drugs right at my fingertips. It really wasn't _that_ bad, was it? Those thoughts were oh, so tempting.

Stop it. You are better than this. You owe it to Jasper for all he has done for you. You owe it to yourself. You are better than this. I kept repeating it over and over in my mind, hoping that one day I would believe it.

My emotions were all over the place. Sometimes, uncontrollable sobs consumed me for hours on end. Sometimes, I simply felt numb. But once in a while, a tiny sliver of hope would seep through. Hope that I was going to beat this; hope that there was something better beyond this; a light at the end of the tunnel. And those brief moments were the only thing that got me through. I clung desperately to that feeling, knowing that quite literally my life depended on it.

Jasper left for work at four-thirty every evening. It would have been so easy for me to sneak off and never return. He even left the keys to his Jeep laying on the counter for me. One night I even sat in it and cranked it, plotting my escape. But I couldn't do it. Eventually I came back to my senses and ran back to my room, locking myself inside and crying for hours.

It had been seven days now since I had left Edward. Seven days since I had been rescued. I had barely left my room, let alone the house. My excuse was that I didn't want anyone to see my busted up face, which was now healing. The truth was that I had been in the midst of full-blown withdrawal, if I was being honest with myself.

As each day passed, it became marginally easier. I was holding down solid food now and could manage about five hours of sleep at night.

I was sitting in the center of my bed staring at the blank pages of my journal when I heard a knock at my door.

"Come in," I answered.

Jasper entered my room carrying two large glasses of sweet tea.

"I thought you might like this," he said as he sat a glass on the nightstand and took a drink from the other.

"Thanks," I smiled. It made my stomach a little queasy but I took the glass and swallowed a few sips.

"So, I was thinking," Jasper started, and he sounded nervous. Well, shit. This can't be good. "I was thinking about going to your old apartment and getting the rest of your things. Peter will be here in a couple hours."

I quickly went over Edward's schedule in my head. Sunday afternoon's are usually spent studying at the library, or so he said. And I did not want Jasper and me to go to the apartment alone. Not because I was afraid of running into Edward and what he would do to Jasper, but because I was afraid that if Jasper and Edward came face to face, I would not be physically strong enough to pull Jasper off of him. I had no doubt in my mind he meant it when he said he would kill Edward.

"Or not," Jasper's voice interrupted my train of thought. "If you're not ready, I understand."

"No, that's a really good idea. I left some pictures and things I would really like to get. Plus, I think I might be ready to face the real world again." I gave my best attempt at a smile.

"Great. I'll leave you alone now." He turned to leave my room.

"Wait! Jasper, I was wondering…would you maybe like to take a walk or something?" I asked sheepishly.

"Absolutely. You really haven't gotten a chance to see the property. I'd love to give you the grand tour." His smile made me feel warm inside.

"Ok. Just give me a few minutes to put some shorts on."

"Meet you outside in a few."

I pulled a pair of mesh Nike shorts out of my drawer and pulled them on. I took off my sweatshirt and pulled on a comfy tank top. I slid my feet into my tennis shoes and I was ready.

Jasper was waiting for me on the front porch, lounging on the swing with both long legs propped up on the railing. I took a deep breath in, inhaling the clean air. It was a beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky.

Jasper led me on what was more of a hike than a gentle stroll around the ranch. It really was amazing. I had no idea how big it all was. They had pens of hogs and sheep and even a few goats. Jasper was amused by my amazement, but that is just not something a girl from Forks sees every day.

By the time we made it back to the house I was sweating like a pig, but couldn't bring myself to care. It felt good, like all the toxins were leaving my body through the droplets of perspiration.

I had just collapsed in one of the rocking chairs and Jasper went in to get us another glass of tea when I heard the sound of a car approaching. Soon after I saw Peter's black Camaro come into view.

He parked in front of the house and hopped out, surprise evident on his face. I had begged Jasper not to tell him about my ordeal while he was visiting Charlotte. I had made a big enough mess of things without adding fucking up Peter's vacation to it.

"Bella? What the hell are you doing here?" he asked.

"Hey, Pete," I answered, knowing it was only a matter of time before he saw the remnants of my injuries.

"What the fuck?" he asked as he got closer.

"Edward," I replied.

"I swear to fucking God I will kill that little bastard! Are you ok?" he placed both hands on my cheeks taking in the full extent of the damages.

"I am now," I sighed.

"When did this happen?"

"A week ago."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't want to ruin your time with Char. I know you guys never get to see each other."

"I wish you would've fucking told me. But, it looks like ol' Jasper here has taken pretty good care of ya."

On cue, Jasper walked back onto the porch.

"He's the best," I answered shyly.

"So I take it you've been staying at Casa Whitlock?"

"Yeah, she has. I told her she can stay as long as she wants," Jasper answered for me.

"As long as that's ok with you, Peter. I don't wanna impose and I don't wanna be a bother."

"Seriously? I think it's fucking fantastic." He wrapped both arms around my waist in a tight hug.

"So," Jasper cleared his throat as he spoke, "I was thinking now that you're home we can head back over to Bella's old apartment and finish collecting her things."

"Hell yes. Let me drop my bags inside. I have a few words for that fucking Cullen, anyway."

"Hopefully he won't be there. The last thing I want is for you guys to get into a fight over me," I said.

"You can't seriously think we are going to let him get away with this?" Peter asked.

I had no answer. I looked at Jasper who was shaking his head at Peter.

Without another word Peter picked his bags up and went into the house.

"What the fuck?" I asked Jasper.

"Pete's just a hot head. Give him time to calm down. He really cares about you Bella; I know it bothers him to see you like this."

"Yeah, um, about that. Do you think maybe we could skip over the part about me and the drugs? I mean, just for now. I don't want to upset him anymore."

"That is your story to tell, I would never disclose anything you didn't want me to."

"Thanks so much Jasper. Do you think I have time to shower before we head out?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, do whatever you want," he grinned.

I turned to walk back into the house when Jasper's hand caught my forearm. I looked up to find him looking very seriously into my eyes.

"And one more thing, Bella. Peter's not the only one who cares about you." He bent down and kissed the top of my head again before releasing my arm and turning to go inside. I stood with my mouth hanging open staring after him.

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**Up next...the confrontation with Edward. I have most of the next chapter done. I wonder how the Whitlock brothers will deal with him...hmm... Now, clickety click the green button, please!**


	6. God Bless Texas

-God Bless Texas-

I took a refreshingly cool shower. For the first time in a week, I put on actual clothes rather than pajamas, and even dusted on some makeup. I left my hair down to dry in its natural waves and used my favorite Bath and Body Works spray. I actually felt…_better _than I had for months.

I met Jasper and Peter in the kitchen and we were ready to head to Edward's apartment.

My stomach was in a nervous knot for the entirety of the short trip. I gazed out the backseat window of the Range Rover mindlessly watching the scenery pass as Jasper and Peter made small talk in the front of the car.

Too soon we were parked in front of my old home. My palms began to sweat and my heart was pounding in my chest. Edward's cars, both of them, were in the garage.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," I mumbled as Jasper parked next to the sidewalk.

"Fuck that! Let's get your stuff so you don't ever have to look at that jackass again," Peter replied.

"No, if you aren't ready Bella, we can come back at another time," Jasper said, giving Peter a dirty look.

Ah, fuck it. I was gonna have to deal with this sooner or later. Might as well get it over with. I shook my head. "Peter's right. I need to get this behind me."

The remainder of the walk to the apartment was spent in silence. I was nervously wringing my hands and chewing my lip. Peter was leading the way with a look of determination and 'don't fuck with me' plastered on his face. Jasper hung back with me, and wrapped one arm around my shoulder, obviously sensing my nervousness.

"It'll be fine, darlin'," he whispered into my hair. I nodded and focused all my energy into not having an anxiety attack.

I told Peter the apartment number and he pounded loudly on the door three times. No answer. For a moment I had a hopeful thought that maybe Edward had walked somewhere and really wasn't home. Luckily, I had kept my key and Edward had been too stupid to change the locks.

I handed Peter my house key, and gasped as the door popped open. "What the fuck?" I murmured, my eyes wide with shock.

The place was completely trashed. There were dirty clothes laying everywhere mixed with old, half-eaten food and empty beer bottles. And then I saw him. Stretched out on the couch in nothing but sweatpants, with the whore I'm assuming to be _Lauren_ lying on top of him. From the look of him he had not showered or shaved in several days. There were still-burning cigarettes overflowing the ashtray leaving holes in the thousand dollar coffee table. I couldn't help the small part of my heart that ached as I took in the scene.

Edward raised his head slowly. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot. "What the fuck do you want?" he sneered.

"I want my things. Edward, what has happened to you?" I nearly gasped as I continued to survey the wreckage that was my old apartment.

"That is no longer your goddamn concern," he replied curtly.

"You will not speak to her that way," Jasper said from behind me, and shock appeared on Edward's face. Until then he apparently had not registered the two other men in the room.

"I should have known she'd run to you. Her pimp," he replied.

"Bella is our _friend_. And you will not speak to her that way. I will not repeat myself again. You see, Edward, you are in Texas now. The South. And we do not treat our women like punching bags," Jasper glared at Edward.

Peter was standing on my other side, his face getting redder by the minute, but he remained surprisingly quiet.

Somewhere in Edward's mind a sensible thought broke through that warned him not to fuck with Jasper and Peter. His face focused on me. "Your stuff is out back in one of the dumpsters."

"What!" I started to protest as Jasper's arm tightened around my shoulder.

"That's all that we needed from you. We'll be going now. You will not try to contact Bella, you will not think about Bella. If you see her on the street, you are to turn and walk the other way. If I hear otherwise, you will realize why they say 'don't mess with Texas.' Got it?" Jasper said with a cocky smirk.

"Whatever," was Edward's well-educated response.

The three of us turned to leave as Peter's gaze focused on Lauren, who was still lying perfectly still on top of Edward, her eyes only halfway open. "It actually makes perfect sense that Edward would put Bella's things in the dumpster. It looks like he is used to surrounding himself with trash these days."

"Hey!" she called as she finally realized she'd been insulted. She tried unsuccessfully to stand in protest, spilling herself onto the floor, flat on her ass.

One last look and I slammed the door. I closed my eyes. I would not cry. Not here and not now. I had given too many tears to Edward Cullen and I'd be damned if I would give him the satisfaction of knowing he could still get to me.

"You ok?" Peter asked, wrapping one arm around my waist.

"I'll be fine. Let's just get the fuck outta here," I responded, shaking my head in an attempt to clear the disturbing images now playing through my mind. _Edward needs help. Edward might die. You have to do something._ Stop it!

"Just be glad that it's over. You never have to see that motherfucker again. But if he proves to be a complete dumbass and for some reason does show his face around you, we won't let him off with just a warning," Peter added before giving me one more squeeze and releasing me as we walked to the trash bins.

Ok, when Edward said he put my stuff in the dumpster, I should have known better. Edward Cullen has never touched a dumpster in his entire life and he sure as shit wasn't going to start now. I rolled my eyes as I saw several Hefty bags tied neatly sitting in piles on the ground, unharmed, by the cans. Hell, they were probably organized according to outfit, function, or location. _Oh, Edward. Edward needs help. Edward is in trouble. This is not the real Edward. This is the drugs._ Stop it!

"Wow, I guess he showed you, Bella," Peter joked as we each picked up two bags and headed back to Jasper's car.

"Say, I'm kinda hungry. Do you guys think we could maybe get some dinner?" I asked as I buckled my seatbelt.

"Absolutley," Jasper grinned, looking through the rearview mirror at me.

"Mexican?" Peter suggested, and we all agreed.

A few minutes later we were seated around a booth in one of my favorite restaurants, pigging out on chips and salsa.

"So, Bella. One thing I gotta know, and then we'll drop the Cullen talk for good. How the hell did you get away from him in the first place? I mean when he…ya know… " Peter said as he stuffed a guacamole covered chip into his mouth.

"I pulled a gun on him and threatened to blow his ass to the moon," I answered nonchalantly, as I dipped into the queso.

"No shit? I would have paid good money to see that!" Peter exclaimed as he and Jasper both chuckled. "Are you sure you're not from Texas?"

The easy, happy conversation flowed freely through the remainder of dinner and the ride back to the farm. I went to bed shortly after returning home, exhausted from the day but feeling a sense of calm and contentment I had not known before, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Somewhere between pigging out on greasy Mexican food and laughing until my sides hurt, I got a tiny piece of my soul back. Sure, there may be a million more to go, but at least it was a start.

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**I know, I know...a lot of you wanted to see Edward get his ass kicked. And he does deserve it, no doubt. But consider this...it takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight. And something tells me we haven't seen the last of him. **

**Thank You Thank You Thank You for so many kind reviews. As a first time writer I'm really overwhelmed at the response you all have given my lil' story. A special thanks to apk1980 who was kind enough to let me bounce around some ideas with her. If you haven't read her story, The Burning Marvelous Life, you are truly missing out. Her Jasper is just..._sigh..._so perfect. Check it out to see what I mean!  
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	7. Communication Breakthroughs & Breakdowns

-Communication Breakthroughs & Breakdowns-

It had now been three weeks since I moved in with Jasper and Peter. We had settled into a comfortable routine. I was back working every night at the bar and had even ventured into the city by myself.

Did I feel like a complete mooch for living in their house for free? Yes. Could I bring myself to care? No. Every couple of days or so I made a show of looking through the classifieds in search of an affordable apartment, knowing I would never find anything _exactly_ right. The truth of the matter was I liked the security Jasper and Peter provided. I felt safe; I knew I would be taken care of.

I tried to do my part to help out. I did most of the grocery shopping, along with the cooking and cleaning, despite the constant protests from Jasper.

I spent a lot of my time alone in my room; and I still suffered with what I can now comfortably call my _addiction_. Some days I wanted nothing more than to roll a fat joint and eat a gallon of Ben and Jerry's while sacking out on the couch to a Ghost Hunters marathon. But I digress…

I did manage to do a few productive things with my time. First of all, I had re-established communication with my father. He had never really liked Edward, and was completely against the move to Texas. I had only spoken to him sporadically over the last few months, but now we talked at least once a week.

Perhaps talk is not the correct term, because miraculous as it sounds, Charlie Swan had somehow discovered the internet, and our conversations mainly took place over e-mail. He couldn't type for shit and he usually sent the message at least seventeen times before he was satisfied that I had in fact received it. But it's the thought that counts. And I found it easier to communicate things in writing rather than saying them aloud, a trait he and I share. While he didn't know the entirety of my story, and I prayed he never would, he did have a general idea of what happened between Edward and me and that I was now living with co-workers. Honest enough. He didn't pry and I didn't volunteer any further information.

The second productive thing I did was a little more tricky. Despite the altercation and demise of our relationship, I could not get Edward off my mind. While I was no longer in love with him, I couldn't change the fact that I did care about him. We had been together for ten years; he was my first and only _everything_ , and it would be impossible for all those feelings to disappear so easily. Part of me wished so strongly that I could just hate him and be done with it. But the other (stupider?) part of my brain kept reminding me that this was not really Edward.

I knew two things for certain. Number one, Edward needed help, desperately. Number two, he would never listen to anything that I had to say.

After much internal debate I decided I only had one option. I would not call Edward's parents. I could not stand the distant tone in their voices or the fact that they could barely hide their disdain for me. So once again, technology was my savior.

I decided Esme was the best target. One sleepless night I penned a twenty-five page letter, sent as an attachment to her personal e-mail. I spared no details. I even included the parts about my own drug use and escalating addiction. What pained me the most, though, was describing the physical violence. I knew it would break her heart. Carlisle and Esme Cullen may have been guilty of over-indulging their son, but they would never, ever allow him to think it was acceptable to hit a woman.

I felt almost like a tattle tale as I contemplated sending the letter. But then I realized it was what I had to do. I had to make known all the dirty, disgusting details in hopes that it would bring them to their senses. They had to get their son help, or they were going to lose him. I could deal with the fact that they hated me if it meant Edward's survival.

I sent that letter nearly a week ago and have never heard a response. Which reminds me; it is Sunday night and time for my longest letter of the week to Charlie.

Jasper had gone into the city to pick up dinner from one of my favorite Italian places, and I didn't feel comfortable using his computer without asking. So I trudged up the stairs to Peter's room.

He was lying on the bed with his upper body propped up on the headboard, deeply engrossed in some war game on the Xbox. He paused the game as I entered the room, giving me a broad grin.

"Finally ready for that Guitar Hero rematch?" he asked.

"Please. You cheated and you know it. So, until you learn to play honest…"

"Peter Whitlock does not cheat. Much," he added with an evil grin.

"Much? You totally reset my guitar to Expert without me knowing it!" I replied dramatically.

"That is a bold faced lie," he said, trying his best to seem offended.

"Whatever. So I was wondering; do you care if I borrow your laptop?"

"Time to e-mail the Chief?"

"Yep. He writes the most on Sundays. Of course, it's all about fishing or whatever sport is in season. And he will send ten different versions until he is satisfied I got the whole story."

"Take it." He motioned to the Dell sitting on top of his dresser. "I know you like your privacy."

"And I know you want me to leave you alone so you can finish destroying whatever army it is you're up against now," I said with a smirk as I took the computer and made my way back downstairs.

I plopped down on one of the leather couches and opened the computer screen, pressing the power button. I opened Outlook Express and read the e-mail Charlie had already sent to me. Mariner's game, fishing trip followed by a fish fry, a trip to Wal-Mart. My father is nothing if not predictable.

I started typing my response. It had been a pretty slow week and only took me a few minutes.

I sent the message and stared at the blank screen. I realized was bored. Peter was indisposed and Jasper still wasn't home. I didn't want to watch television and I really didn't want to go back to my room and stare at the walls. I decided to do a little internet surfing.

Now, what happened when I clicked the Internet Explorer icon? It opened straight to Peter's Facebook page, of course. Very interesting. I am not a cyber stalker and generally steer clear of those social networking sites, but my curiosity was getting the better of me. And it's not like I was _looking_ for this, it found me.

_Scroll, scroll, scroll…Mafia Wars, Farmville, Café World…seriously? Get a life people. Aww, that's a cute picture Charlotte has posted of her and Peter. Scroll, scroll, scroll…boring, don't know you…scroll, scroll, scroll…_

And then it appeared, glaring at me, like it was the only thing on the page, like it was surrounded by fucking neon lights blinking in unison.

_Mary Alice Brandon is single._

What? Wait…what? Did I miss something here? How did I not know this? Technically, it really is none of my business. But I would think Jasper would say something. And if he didn't, Peter would, for sure. Maybe neither of them knew. Maybe they really hadn't broken up. Maybe Alice was just trying to whore around and cheat on him. But seriously? Why would you post that shit on Facebook? When his fucking brother is on your friends list? No, something definitely does not compute…

"Writing to Charlie?" Jasper called from behind me.

I swear to go my heart stopped. In a move completely smooth and not obvious at all, I slammed the top of the laptop shot. "Yep," I replied in my high-pitched, something is definitely off voice.

"You ok?" he asked as he sat the bags of delicious smelling food on the counter, raising one eyebrow.

"Great. Fine. That smells so good." I walked to the kitchen and reached into a cabinet to remove some dinner plates.

Peter made his way downstairs and we all loaded out plates with cheesy pasta and bread before returning to the den to take our usual seats on the couch. Peter grabbed the remote and switched it to HBO.

"Just in time," Peter said as the opening credits for True Blood started.

We stuffed our faces with the yummy food and had our regular commentary on this week's episode. Peter thinks Sookie belongs with Bill while Jasper and I are totally Team Eric.

I watched Jasper carefully. Nothing seemed off or out of place. If he was hurting, he sure didn't show it. He laughed and talked and joked just like he always did. _So, he doesn't know, then_.

At that very moment I hated Alice Brandon. Couldn't she see what a lucky girl she was? Men like Jasper don't come around every day. If you are lucky enough to find someone who is handsome and smart and funny and kind and strong and supportive and protective and sexy as hell, you do not let them go. And if for some reason you do, you better have more respect for them than to post it as a fucking Status Update.

_Now, how to proceed_? I couldn't just tell Jasper about it. I wouldn't want to hurt him. And I wouldn't want things to become awkward between us. I really didn't want to talk to Peter. He already hated Alice enough, and I didn't need to add fuel to that fire. And he would find out soon enough anyway. I mulled over this in my mind as Sookie raced to save Godric from the Fellowship of the Sun, getting herself captured in the process. Jasper and Peter were completely enthralled. One thing is for sure; they certainly love a good damsel in distress story, the irony of which is not lost on me.

As the end credits started to roll, Peter's phone rang. _Crazy Bitch_ by Buckcherry. And then it hit me…I mean, it was so obvious.

Peter retreated to his room for his nightly round of what I assume to be phone sex with Charlotte, and my body was nearly shut down from carb and calorie overload. I was half asleep when I heard Jasper stand. Any major life-changing, earth-shattering discussions would have to wait until morning.

"I'm worn out, darlin'. I'm gonna head to bed," he said as he stretched his lean arms above his head, causing his t-shirt to ride up and reveal the tiniest bit of skin just above his jeans.

_Oh, Alice. You are such a fool. _

"You comin'?" he asked as I tried to hide my embarrassment. He had totally caught me checking him out.

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired, too," I added a yawn at the end for emphasis.

I made my way down the hall and into by bedroom, closing the door and putting on my favorite sweatpants and baggy t-shirt. I opened the door and started toward the bathroom but was stopped in my tracks. Jasper was standing, bent over the sink brushing his teeth. In nothing but the same low riding jeans I had admired a few minutes ago. No shirt. No socks. All hotness.

I quickly turned to head back into my room, knowing my face resembled a tomato. And then, in my most stealth-like move to date, I ran smack into the door facing.

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed as I grabbed my forehead.

"Are you ok?" Jasper asked as he quickly moved to my side. "Let me have a look," he said as he wrapped his hand around mine, gently pulling it from my face.

"I am such a fucking dumbass," I mumbled as he blue eyes scanned my face.

"It's just a tiny scratch. Probably won't even leave a scar," he said.

"Just one more to add to the collection," I said with a sigh. I tore my eyes away from his, allowing them to briefly peruse his chest and abdomen. "Oh my God! Jasper, what happened?" I blurted out as my gaze focused on his right flank. A mesh of black tribal tattoos snaked up his ribs, intertwined with thick, raised scars.

I balled my hands into fists at my sides, fighting the urge to trace each one.

"IED blast. In Baghdad," he said as he pulled away from me. I felt like the biggest asshole bitch of all time as I watched his blue eyes cloud and pain play across his perfect features.

"Shit…I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. You really can't even notice them. I mean if I hadn't been staring at you while you brushed your teeth, I would have never bumped into the door. And then I wouldn't have been so close to you with your shirt off. And, shit, I'm just sorry," my words were fast and ran together. I turned my head to the side, unable to look at him.

He placed one hand gently under my chin. "You were staring at me?" he asked as he brought my eyes back to his own. His right eyebrow was cocked and the corner of his mouth was turned up into a playful smirk.

"Can I please just go back to my room so that I can die of embarrassment in peace?" I asked, feeling the warmth spread from my cheeks down to my neck and shoulders.

"Of course," he said with a chuckle, as he nonchalantly sauntered back to the sink to resume his nighttime routine.

I slammed my door and collapsed on my bed, unsure if I wanted to cry or giggle or both. I was going to sleep in my makeup, and surely it wouldn't kill me to go to bed one night without brushing and flossing. There was no way I would risk another half-naked encounter tonight.

I turned off the lights and climbed under the covers. I tossed and turned, and tossed, and turned some more. I closed my eyes and saw perfect abs. Gah! I rolled over, closing them tight again, only to have visions of dimples and blue eyes. An hour had passed, and I realized I was no closer to rest. Too bad about the whole becoming addicted to sleeping pills thing. They would have come in so handy tonight.

Eventually my thoughts drifted back to Alice. Surely she was out of her fucking mind. _If I ever got that man into my bed_…Stop it! But seriously, what was her deal? I mean, yeah she was cute and tiny and perky and probably had some other redeeming qualities I really didn't care to learn about. But why? Why had they stayed together so long only for her to do something stupid like this?

I glanced at the alarm clock on the night stand. It was not midnight yet. I couldn't stand it any longer. I picked up my cell phone and dialed.

"Hello?" the perky voice rang through the line. Good, she didn't sound sleepy.

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**A little more fun this time, eh? I needed it after those last couple chapters. So, I wonder who Bella called so late at night...hmm...**


	8. The Perfect Drug

**As always, thanks so much for the reviews/alerts/favs. I love them all! A special thanks is in order to givemesomevamp who helped me work through this one. If you haven't read The Quiet Room, you are missing out. This story is rated M for a reason. If you aren't 18, you shouldn't proceed. This does contain a_ tiny_ lemon. Probably not the kind you all were hoping for...Anyway, on with the show!

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-The Perfect Drug-

"Charlotte? Hey, I'm so sorry to bother you. It's Bella." I sat in the center of my bed nervously kneading the bedspread with my hands.

"Bella! What's wrong?" she sounded panicked.

"Nothing, nothing. Everything's fine."

"Shew, thank God. I have been so worried about you. Are you sure you're ok?"

"Really, I'm fine. Honestly, I'm not trying to be a bitch, and I appreciate how worried everyone is, but the 'Let's Save Bella' bandwagon is getting pretty crowded." I rolled my eyes, trying not to sound too annoyed.

"Point taken. But I will say this-That fucking Cullen better hope he never meets me in a dark alley."

I couldn't help but snicker. Charlotte was about five feet tall and maybe one-hundred pounds, soaking wet. However, I had no doubt she could fuck a bitch up if she wanted to. "I'll be sure to tell him to steer clear of Houston."

"You still talk to him?" Her tone was more accusatory than I liked.

"Uh, no. I was just joking."

"Sorry, sorry. So anyway, enough about that pansy-ass. What's up?"

"Well, I was needing someone to trade information with." I relaxed back onto my pillow and started mindlessly flipping through tv channels.

"Interesting." I could hear her repositioning. "Continue."

"Let me just start by asking-Are you friends with Alice on Facebook?"

"Alice Brandon? You're kidding right? She and I are far from _friendly._"

"Did you know that Peter is friends with her?"

"Ugh, yes. I swear to God he loves being in other people's business more than anyone I've ever known. Until now…" she started to giggle.

"No judgment, please. So, tonight I used Peter's computer to e-mail my dad. After I was finished I decided to do a little internet surfing. You'll never believe what I saw." I was now whispering into the receiver like a complete dumbass.

"Shit! You found his online porn library. Or was it those pictures of us…"

"Stop, please. No, it was neither of those things. But remind me to Clorox the keyboard before I use it again. I flipped through his Facebook page and found Alice's latest update. And it said '_Mary Alice Brandon is single.'_ What the hell?" Woops, said that a little too loud.

She was silent for a moment. "Hmm, I have no idea. Has Jasper mentioned anything about it?"

"No, that's the really weird part. He acted totally normal tonight."

"And we all know Peter doesn't have any idea or he would be singing it from the rooftops."

"I know, right? So, what do you think? Is this…normal behavior for them?"

"Hard to say. I know they fight. A lot. But that really isn't anything new. The majority of their relationship has been spent fighting or fucking."

Ok, gross. "Do you think Jasper doesn't know?"

"Nah, Alice is not that stupid. They probably just had some lover's quarrel and she dumped him in some big, dramatic fashion."

"Still, it just doesn't seem right to put it out in public like that." I was tapping my chin in a very Sherlock Holmes manner.

"Honey, you wouldn't believe what people post on those stupid sites."

"Apparently not. But do think this will last between Alice and Jasper?"

"Hard to say. They've broken up before, and he always goes back. I hope he's finally grown a pair and kicked her pixy ass to the curb. Say, is there any particular reason you're so concerned about this?" she added slyly.

"No," I answered too quickly. "Jasper has been a really great friend, and I just don't want to see him get hurt." I was back to fidgeting with the comforter.

"Uh huh. You keep tellin' yourself that," she giggled. "Alright, I gotta get in the bed. I've got an early day tomorrow and Peter was especially long-winded tonight."

"TMI, Char."

"Oh, and don't worry, little stalker. I'll call Jasper tomorrow and find out what the hell is going on."

"Thanks."

"Sweet dreams."

I heard her phone click off and snapped mine shut. Well, this had certainly been an interesting night. Between visions of Jasper's hot body, standing over the sink, nearly naked, and trying to process the information Charlotte had given me, sleep was proving difficult. I rolled to the left, to the right, laid on my back, laid on my stomach, even tried covering my face with the pillow. Nothing helped.

Every time I shut my eyes Jasper's features played before them like a silent movie. Shaggy curls. Perfect shoulders. Those abs that formed a perfect V at his hips. And that mouth. Oh my God, that mouth. Those full pink lips and perfectly straight, white teeth. And don't even get me started on those dimples.

Before long the steady stream of Jasper visuals had culminated in a dull ache, just south of my navel. I hadn't felt this is so long; it really caught me off guard. I rubbed one hand around the elastic lining of my sweat pants. I couldn't help but wonder what Jasper's hands would feel like against my skin, strong and rough from days spent working outside. My hand trailed a little further south as the dull ache increased to a steady tingle.

_Stop it, Bella. You cannot do this. You cannot masturbate to visions of your boss and landlord while he sleeps in the other room._

I imagined his perfect lips on mine, firm and commanding. I imagined what he would taste like, how his tongue would feel massaging my own. As my right continued on its path, my left hand crept up and stroked my nipples. I imagined it being his mouth on me, licking and biting playfully.

"Aww, fuck it," I groaned as I buried my face in my pillow. My right hand had found its intended target, rubbing firm strokes up and down my clit. My left hand was working overtime, increasing the gentle pressure on my nipple. I closed my eyes and saw Jasper on top of me, looking down on me, blond curls hanging perfectly messy around those bright blue eyes, which rolled back in pleasure. I felt his weight on top of me, imagining what that stomach must look like with a trickle of sweat running from his chest and getting lost where our bodies were joined.

I came, and I came hard, using the pillow to muffle my moans of pure pleasure. As my fingers pumped in and out of my own dripping sex, I thought of what it must feel like to have my walls contracting on him, his throbbing member finding its own release, filling me full of his juices.

I finally came down from my high, feeling completely relaxed and rejuvenated. I closed my eyes and was asleep in no time flat. That shit was better than anything Pfizer can put on the market.

I woke the next morning feeling fantastic. I hopped out of bed, throwing the sheets in a pile on the floor to wash later. I actually skipped into the bathroom, quickly brushing my teeth and showering. I pulled on some cut-off denim shorts and a tank top and headed to the kitchen, stopping by my room to grab my pile of dirty sheets.

I looked out the kitchen window as I passed by, seeing Jasper already outside working. Shirtless. This day just keeps getting better. I turned on the washer and dropped my sheets in, adding my favorite scent of Downy. On my way back to the kitchen, I made one quick stop, opening up Peter's laptop and quickly cleared the history.

There were a few dishes sitting around from last night and Jasper's breakfast. I filled the sink full of water and started washing them. I decided to clean the whole kitchen. I grabbed my iPod and started my day's work.

"P-p-p-poker face, m-m-m-my poker face," I sang as I mopped the kitchen floor.

Two strong hands poked both sides of my ribs. I dropped the mop and jerked the buds from my ears, while doing a half-jump half-turn. I could feel the redness spreading from my cheeks to my neck as I looked up.

"My, my. Aren't we chipper today."

"Shut up, Peter. I'm just in a good mood."

"Uh huh. And why is that?" he asked as he took the orange juice from the refrigerator, taking a swig straight from the carton.

"No reason," I lied.

"I saw your sheets in the washer. I hope you don't mind, I threw mine in there, too. Char was really on her game last night-"

"TMI, Pete!" I exclaimed, throwing my hand up in protest.

"So how exactly did yours get dirtied up?" he smirked.

"Mine were not _dirty_. They just needed…freshening up." I was sure my face was the color of a fire engine.

"Whatever you say, little lady. Well, I'm headed to Houston for the day. There is only so much you can do through a phone. Sometimes you just need the real thing, know what I'm saying?" he said with an evil grin.

"Have a safe trip. Tell Charlotte I said 'Hi!'." I turned and grabbed my mop, sticking my earbuds back in. I could not face him again for fear I may actually be the first person in history to die from embarrassment.

He left without any further teasing. _Surely there is no way he actually knew what I had done. I had been quiet, hadn't I? Oh, shit. If he heard me, what did Jasper hear? Jasper is just across the hall while Peter is all the way upstairs. No, there is no way he heard anything. He's just being a dick._

I kept repeating this over and over as I finished cleaning the kitchen. My stomach was now in nervous knots, but I decided to make some lunch anyway. I didn't think Jasper had eaten yet either, so I fixed my homemade chicken salad, one of his favorites. I put together the sandwiches and filled two glasses with lemonade.

"Jasper!" I called as I stepped out of the front porch.

He looked up and even from a distance I could tell he was smiling.

"I made some lunch."

He nodded, taking off his gloves and tossing down whatever tools he was working with.

A few short minutes later he was on the porch. I had carried the food outside and set it on a table between two rocking chairs.

"You are too good to me," he grinned as he wiped the sweat from his forehead with his forearm.

"Please. It's the least I can do," I replied.

We sat in the chairs and started on the sandwiches.

"Peter took off," I said as I took a sip of lemonade.

"Again? I didn't know he was going today."

"Me either. Charlotte didn't say anything about it last night." _Woops._

"You talked to Charlotte?" he asked with his mouth full of chicken salad.

"Um, yeah. I called her last night. We hadn't talked in a while and I just wanted to catch up." I was a terrible liar, but if he saw through me he decided to let it go.

"That's nice. I'm glad you and Charlotte seem to get along so well."

"Yeah, she's great. Just like a female version of your brother," I giggled.

"Can't argue with that," he grinned. "So, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?"

"Nothing. Same as always."

"I've been thinking…Do you still have that gun of your father's?" He had a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Yes. Why do you ask?" I did my best to sound coy.

"It's a surprise. Give me a few minutes to shower and put some clean clothes on. Meet me at the back of the house. And bring the gun," he added as he cocked one eyebrow.

"Oook?" I was completely confused.

Jasper collected our plates and headed inside. I sat in the rocking chair a few more minutes, wondering what kind of shenanigans he had planned.

I got up and walked inside, heading to my room. I pulled on some thick socks and my tennis shoes, remembering the last time Jasper took me around the property it more closely resembled the Baton Death March than a leisurely stroll. I did as he instructed, collecting my .38 pistol from the nightstand drawer and the box of bullets.

I was sitting on the back porch admiring the scenery when Jasper appeared, putting everything else to shame. He was wearing khaki cargo shorts with a black wifebeater and tennis shoes.

"You ready?" he grinned.

"Yep. Now are you going to tell me what the big secret is?"

"Follow me," he said as he hopped off the porch, headed toward the garage.

He walked back to the far corner, stopping in front of a large metal safe. He quickly turned to combination and popped open the door.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed as I took in its contents. From the looks of things, Jasper owned enough guns to arm a small country. "Are all of these yours?"

"Mostly. Some of them are Pete's." He was picking up the various guns, examining them and deciding which ones to remove. He held up a double-barrel shot gun. "This one was my dad's. Peter found it in one of the outbuildings, rusted and nearly ruined. He had it refinished for me and surprised me with it at Christmas." He held the gun out proudly so that I could examine it.

"It's really beautiful," I said as I ran my hand over the wooden stock.

He proceeded to show me several others, including a Colt revolver that belonged to his great, great grandfather during the Civil War. He finally settled on a modern looking rifle and an automatic pistol, carefully returning the other guns and re-locking the safe.

"So, I still don't get what we are doing?" I said confused.

"Well, darlin', I figured that if you are gonna be pulling that thing out and pointing it at people, you better learn how to use it," he smirked as he pointed to my pistol, which looked pitiful in comparison to his arsenal.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yeah. I mean, if that's ok with you. If you don't want to, that's cool."

"No, no. I haven't been target shooting in a long time. Charlie used to take me when I was younger. It'll be fun."

He smiled my favorite smile as he loaded the guns in the Jeep. We drove for ten minutes until we reached a secluded area of the ranch I hadn't seen before. Ahead in the distance I could see several targets already set up.

"Oh, this is gonna be embarrassing," I groaned as I stepped out.

"Relax. It's gonna be fun, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah." I said as he handed me a pair of silencing headphones and goggles. "I don't suppose you'll be wearing any of this ridiculous protective gear?"

"Nope," he grinned.

"Fine. You go first, though."

He picked up the rifle and loaded it. He stood with his feet apart, completely lost in concentration. I heard the shot and saw that watermelon sitting on top of one of the targets explode. _Yes, this was going to be embarrassing_.

"That was awesome!" I exclaimed as he stopped to reload.

"I was a sharp shooter in the army," he said nonchalantly. "Your turn."

"Maybe I should just watch you? I'm really not that good, and-"

"Don't be foolish, darlin'. I'll help ya. Now do you know how to load your gun?"

I nodded and picked up the bullets, and proceeded to load the gun. See, I'm not totally a lost cause.

"Good. Now see that target over there? About fifty yards away? Aim for it."

I tried to do my best stance, aiming and looking through the site with one eye. I pulled the trigger and it kicked like a motherfucker.

Jasper couldn't hide his amusement as the ground about ten yards in front of my target exploded in a poof of dirt.

"See, I told you I wasn't any good," I said with a smile, trying to hide how embarrassed I really was.

"It wasn't that bad. Here, I'll help you. Stand like this."

Jasper stood behind me, planting his feet on either side of mine, he pressed himself against my back. A shiver of pure delight ran down my spine. He placed both his arms on the outside of mine, raising the gun to eye level. He bent down, placing his mouth at my ear.

"Now concentrate," he whispered_. Yeah, sure. Easy for you to say, fucker_. My heart was pounding in my chest and I said a silent prayer that he couldn't feel it.

He placed one hand over mine to help aim, and intertwined the other with my right hand. _Dear God, please don't let me miss and shoot him in the leg. Or worse…_

"Put your finger on the trigger," he said softly. I did, and he placed his over top of mine. "Now pull."

I squeezed and watched as my bullet soared straight into the bullseye of the target. I clicked on the safety and gently sat the gun down. Then I ripped off the stupid earphones and goggles and turned to Jasper, jumping up and down and wrapping both arms around his neck.

"That was awesome! I have never been able to hit the target before, much less the bullseye!" I laughed.

"I knew you had raw talent. You just needed someone to bring it out," he said with a wink.

I decided not to shoot anymore. Better to quit while you're ahead. I watched Jasper take out every target the place had to offer, with what seemed like minimal effort.

When he finally had gotten his fill, we loaded into the Jeep and headed back to the house. He cleaned the guns and put them away while I retreated to the house to start dinner.

I found an old recipe for fried chicken I had been dying to try, so I gathered up the ingredients and started heating the oil. By the time Jasper made it into the house I had the table set with the chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. I even tried my hand at cornbread.

"Something smells delicious," he called from the utility room as he kicked off his shoes.

"Oh, just a little something I cooked up," I said with a grin as he entered the kitchen and took in the scene.

"Again I say, you are too good to me." He wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head.

"Wait a minute. You're not off the hook yet," I joked.

"What do you mean?" He looked confused and adorable.

"You have to pull your own weight around here. Now go make the tea," I swatted his ass and directed him to the kitchen. "Extra sweet!"

"Yes ma'am," he laughed.

I really had to pat myself on the back. Paula Dean herself could not cook a good ol' southern meal any better than that one, I was convinced of it. We ate, and talked, and laughed, and joked. It was the perfect evening.

I just couldn't help but ponder how well we got along. We seemed to really _get_ each other, and I'm not just saying that as some poor, pitiful girl willing to make a guy fall in love with her. No, we had truly become great friends, and I was so thankful for that.

After dinner, Jasper helped me clean the kitchen and we retreated to the front porch. Jasper took his usual place, stretching out in the swing, while I plopped down in the rocking chair. He lit a cigarette and took a long draw from it while we sat in silence watching the sun set.

"Thanks, Jasper," I said after a few minutes. "For everything."

"Bella, you being here, being healthy and happy, is all the thanks I need," he said as he inhaled another draw.

We were silent for a few more minutes before he spoke again. "Can I ask you something?"

_Uh oh_. "Sure," I answered nervously.

"Did you call Charlotte last night to ask about Alice?"

_Shit. Busted_. "Um, yeah."

"Why didn't you just ask me?" He didn't seem angry, only curious.

"I dunno. I thought maybe you didn't know. And then I thought, if you wanted me to know, you would tell me," I shrugged my shoulders.

"Do you want to know?"

I thought for a moment before I answered, letting out a sigh. "No. I think that is your business. I'm sorry for being nosy. It won't happen again."

"Fair enough," he replied with a crooked grin.

We sat for a few more minutes making small talk. My eyelids were starting to feel heavy.

"Well, I think I'm gonna turn in for the night," I said as I stood and stretched.

"Me too. I'll have to get up earlier than normal to finish some shit around the house before work since Casanova can't keep his ass out of Houston." He stood and opened the door for me.

"Would you like the bathroom first or should I?" he asked with an evil grin. "I wouldn't want you to have another unfortunate collision with a door facing."

"Very funny. Go ahead. I'm gonna change in to my pajamas first." I opened the door to my bedroom.

A few minutes later I was cleaned up, teeth brushed, face washed, and in bed. I switched on the tv for some background noise while I tried to fall asleep. Like fucking déjà vu, every time I closed my eyes I had visions of Jasper. Only now, I had substantial material to add to the bank. The way his body felt pressed against mine, the way he squinted when he was watching his target, the concentration on his face before he pulled the trigger. The trigger. I heard his voice in my head _'Put your finger on the trigger.' _Oh, God what I wouldn't give to have his finger on my trigger. The all too familiar dull ache was returning to my nether regions. Ah, hell. Here we go again…

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**Well...what do ya think? Like it? Hate it? Want Jasper's finger on your own trigger? Let me know!**


	9. Look After You

**Thank you as always for the reviews/alerts/favs. **

**Disclaimer: I haven't mentioned in a few chapters, but in case you forgot, I don't own Twilight or the characters.

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-Look After You-

The last six days had passed with a peaceful, and very much welcome, sense of normalcy. Peter had spent the entire week in Houston, again, and Jasper and I continued to progress in our easy, comfortable relationship. Erm, I mean _friendship_. Our days were spent working outside or around the house and nights were spent working at the bar. Since I was being a bum and living completely free of charge, my bank account balance now had a couple more zeros tacked on to the end than I ever thought possible. And thanks to my almost nightly self-love, fueled by fantasies of one Mr. Whitlock, I was sleeping better than I had in ages.

I was happy as a clam as I stared out the window of Jasper's Range Rover on our way to work. Saturday nights were my favorite at the bar. We were always crazy busy, which meant excellent tips. Plus I knew I had the next two nights off; we were closed on Sunday and Monday, which coincidentally meant Jasper would be home as well. Yes, at this moment, life is very good.

"What is that smile all about?" Jasper smirked at me as he pulled into the parking lot.

"Nothing," I replied, trying unsuccessfully to wipe it from my face. Until he pointed it out I had no idea I had a goofy grin stretched from ear to ear.

"Don't try to hide it, darlin'. You have a beautiful smile," said the man with the most gorgeous lips I have ever seen.

"Thanks," I blushed.

"I have a surprise for you," he said with a sneaky grin as he climbed out of the car.

"What is it?" I asked as I shut my door. Just then I caught sight of a black Camaro a few spaces up. "Ohh! Peter's home!" I exclaimed.

"Yep. And that's not all…" he added as he opened the door to the rear entrance of the bar, motioning me ahead.

"Bella!" I heard the squeal only seconds before I felt her arms wrap around me.

"Charlotte? What are you doing here? I had no idea!" I hugged her back.

"Peter wanted to surprise you! You look great," she said as she pulled away to further examine my appearance.

"Thanks. I feel great." She wrapped me in another warm hug.

"Please, for the love of God, do not stop," Peter said with a devilish look in his eye, earning a punch in the arm from Jasper.

Charlotte finally released me and slapped his other shoulder, quickly stepping into Jasper's waiting arms.

"What? I get no love?" Peter feigned hurt feelings as he extended his arms to me.

I rolled my eyes. "You know I love ya, Pete." I patted his shoulder.

He quickly wrapped both arms around my waist, spinning me around. "Now that is a proper way to greet your BFF!" he exclaimed after setting me back down.

I couldn't stifle a giggle as I readjusted my rumpled shirt. As we continued walking into the bar, Charlotte was at my side, intertwining her arm with mine.

We ditched the guys, in need of some serious girl talk. She gushed about how she loved her new job, and how fantastic it had been having Peter stay with her so much. I grinned and nodded, adding an "Uh huh" or "Really?" or "Yeah" at all the appropriate times as she continued. She asked me about my life, which was substantially less exciting than hers, but she seemed to be interested anyway. She helped me finish setting up my tables, and it was time to open.

It was an exceptionally busy night, even for a Saturday. A couple hours into my shift and my feet and legs were burning.

"Chelsea, do you mind covering my tables while I take a quick break?" I asked one of the other waitresses.

"Sure thing, Bells," she returned with a grin.

Charlotte had been helping Jasper and Peter behind the bar all night, and I caught her eye and motioned toward the door. She nodded, and in one swift movement, hopped gingerly across the bar. I would break my damn neck if I tried something like that.

While Jasper was the reason I had managed to kick most of my bad habits, he was also to thank for the newest one I had picked up. I pulled the box of Marlboro Lights out of my waist apron, tapping one from the pack.

"Thank God, I thought I was going to die if I didn't get a break soon," Charlotte said breathlessly as she joined me on the stoop at the back of the bar. I slid another cigarette from the pack and handed it to her. I lit mine and took a long draw before passing her the lighter.

"I know. It is insanity in there tonight," I replied as I took another puff. "Tips will be good, though."

"That's for sure. Especially with you looking like that. I know I said it before, Bella, but you really do look awesome."

"Are you girl crushing on me?" I teased, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Maybe just a little," she grinned as she blew smoke from the side of her mouth.

"I guess getting all that shit out of my system has helped me in more ways than one, huh?" I said as I took a seat on the concrete step.

"Yeah." She looked like she was deep in thought as she sat beside me. "But it's more than that. I've seen the way people improve as they come off drugs before." I flinched a little, knowing she was talking about Jasper's struggles. "This is like that, but way better. It's like you are genuinely _happy_."

I couldn't hide my smile. "I am," I answered simply.

"So, how much of a part does my brother-in-law play in that?" She smirked.

"Are you kidding? He's the reason for all of it. I mean, he rescued me, gave me a place to live, and has saved my ass more than once. I owe everything to him." I flicked my cigarette to the ground and stomped it. "You want another?" I offered the pack of Marlboro's to Charlotte before removing another for myself and lighting it.

"Please. Who knows when we'll get another break?" She lit her second cigarette and inhaled deeply. "Now, back to the matter at hand-and don't try to change the subject again. It won't work. You and Jasper…"

"Are friends," I answered innocently.

"Cut the shit, Bells." I elbowed her playfully in the ribs. "I'm serious," she continued, "You and Peter are _friends_. Peter has done just as much for you as Jasper, wouldn't you agree?"

I nodded, unable to look her in the eye.

"You don't look at him the same way you look at Jasper. Yeah, I know he's my fiancé and all that," she air-quoted 'fiancé', "but still. He's hot. I understand this, and I wouldn't mind one bit if you were eye-fucking the shit out of him. Hell, you'd pretty much have to be blind not to."

I had to admit, she had a point. Peter was every bit as perfect as Jasper, and I definitely did not feel the same about the two. I just shrugged my shoulders, focusing on a very interesting crack in the pavement a few feet in front of me.

"You might as well be honest with yourself,.."

"Fine. Yeah, I admit it. Jasper is all kinds of perfect. And maybe I do have some sort of feelings for him. But after everything that I've been through with Edward…I just don't think I'm ready." I took another long draw from my cigarette. Suddenly, smoking the whole pack didn't seem like such a bad idea.

"I can understand that. And Jasper has his own issues to sort out. Oh, my God! I totally forgot to tell you…I asked him about Alice." She stood and dusted her butt off, inhaling one last time before tossing the cigarette to the ground and stomping it.

"Well…" I motioned with my hands for her to continue.

She moved to stand in front of me, leaning against the rail. "I called him the next day. I told him all about what she had posted. And he was like, completely nonchalant about the whole thing. He said that they had broken up; that they wanted different things out of life and their relationship had run its course, and now it was time to move on."

"Seriously?" I could feel my stupid smile getting bigger.

"Yep," she popped the P.

I sat in silence for a few minutes, a little stunned, and a little tingly all over. Charlotte gazed around the parking lot with a cocky smirk on her face.

The back door swung open, nearly knocking me from my perch.

"There you two are. I've been looking all over for you," Peter said with an exasperated expression. I suddenly became worried. Peter was not one to fret over simple things.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I said as I quickly stood.

"Relax, honey. We were just having some girl time," Charlotte said as she wrapped her arm around his waist.

"What? Oh, I don't care about that. You could stay out here all night as far as I'm concerned." He turned to me and his expression became even more serious. "Bella, there is someone at the bar asking for you."

My heart sank. This could not be good news. "Who is it?" I asked as I hurried through the door, not giving him a chance to answer. A million scenarios ran through my mind. What could possibly be the happening now in the never-ending melodrama that had become my life?

I was stopped in my tracks by what I saw-Jasper leaning against the wall, conversing with a gentleman who clearly did not belong in a Texas saloon. Tailored Armani suit, perfectly coiffed, pale-blond hair, comfortable grin that showed just a hint of his smug undertone. Yes, there was no mistaking Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen," I smiled sheepishly as I approached them, trying unsuccessfully to hide my nervousness.

"Bella!" he greeted me with a warm, and all too fake, embrace. "It is wonderful to see you, dear."

"You, too. So what brings you to this neck of the woods?" I mentally kicked myself for sounding like an idiot.

"Actually, I was hoping we could go somewhere private and talk." He turned to Jasper.

"Of course. Take the rest of the night off, Bells. Charlotte can cover for you," Jasper gave me a reassuring look; as if he could sense the mental panic that was quickly taking hold of me.

"Thanks, Jasper. I'll meet you guys back here before closing." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and stood on my toes to hug him. I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat. Edward. Something had happened with Edward.

"You'll be fine," he whispered in my ear before releasing me and turning back toward the bar.

"I'm so glad to see you've made some friends, Bella," Carlisle said as he placed his hand at the small of my back, leading me to the exit. "Esme is waiting in the car. I thought maybe we could go for some coffee?"

"Sounds great," I answered quietly. My palms were sweaty and my stomach was now doing some fucked up flip flops.

"Perfect. Why don't you go on ahead and I'll fetch Esme?" He pointed to the Starbucks across the street. I nodded and started in that direction.

I stood in line at the coffee shop, nervously tugging the hem of my tank top, willing it to be a few inches longer. Or looser. And why did I have to wear my tightest jeans? And don't even get me started on the stupid boots. What was it about the Cullens that always made me feel bad about myself?

As if to give me a living, breathing answer to my unasked question, Esme and Carlisle strode through the door. She was wearing a perfectly tailored suit, which I'm sure was Chanel, along with the six-inch heels and matching bag. Not a hair out of place and perfectly applied make-up on skin that showed not a hint of a wrinkle. Life really wasn't fair sometimes.

"Bella, darling. It is so wonderful of you to meet us like this." She kissed both my cheeks, careful not to smudge that flawless lipstick.

"It's no problem. Um, I didn't order yet. I wasn't sure what you all wanted," I bit my bottom lip and tried to focus on the menu hanging behind the counter.

"Why don't you girls go sit down and I'll order for us?" Carlisle suggested. More like _instructed_, but I digress…

We found a quiet table toward the back and sat down. "You are looking lovely as ever," Esme smiled as she took in my appearance, making me more self-conscious than I already was.

"Oh. Um, thanks." I began to nervously fidget with a stray Splenda packet.

"So, I take it things have been going well for you?" she asked.

"Yes," I sighed. "Things are really great right now. How are things with you?" I sounded stupider every time I opened my mouth, I was sure of it.

"Better now. Actually, that's part of the reason we're here. I was hoping to talk about the letter you sent me." I brought my eyes to hers. Her perfect façade was threatening to crumble and her voice became shaky. "We need to talk about Edward."

"Esme, I-" I couldn't think of a single thing to say. I'm sorry? I wasn't. She reached one arm across the table, gripping my hand with hers.

"Thank you, Bella. I'm so sorry for everything that you've been through. And whatever part we played in that…I'm sorry for all of it." Her eyes, the same deep green as Edward's, were becoming misty.

"How is he?" I asked, just above a whisper.

"Better," she answered as she released my hand to dab her eyes.

"I'm really glad to hear that. I have been so worried." I was my turn to wipe my eyes,

We both chuckled, trying not to break down into full sobs. She pulled a Kleenex from her purse and handed me one.

"Thanks," I smiled as I dabbed my face.

"Here you go, ladies," Carlisle said as he sat a steaming cup in front of each of us before taking a seat next to Esme.

"Thanks," I smiled as I raised the warm liquid to my lips.

"So, I take it you've told her?" he turned to Esme.

"Parts," she replied.

"Bella, I feel that we owe you an apology," Carlisle started as he stirred a pack of sugar into his coffee. "We didn't listen to you all those years ago when you tried to warn us about Edward's problem."

Um, what? Was I hearing this correctly? "Please, don't apologize. I should have done more. I tried to ignore it just as much as you guys did."

"Carlisle is right. We loved you as a daughter, and we still do. We should never have shut you out like that," Esme continued.

I was at a loss for words. I had loved Carlisle and Esme as my own parents for a long time. It had hurt me beyond belief when they shut me out of their lives. I could no longer hold the tears at bay. I hung my head and they streamed down my cheeks.

"So he's doing better now?" I finally managed to ask several minutes later.

"I think he's doing as well as can be expected," Carlisle said. "Edward has been under so much stress, and part of that is also our fault. We always held him to such a high standard. He is struggling, but we are making sure he gets the help he needs."

I nodded my head. Something about Carlisle's words didn't sit right with me, though. I felt like they were still making excuses for Edward. They were willing to accept the blame rather than hold him accountable for his own actions.

I finished my coffee, making small talk about my dad and life back at Forks. Carlisle was working on some special on anti-aging to be featured on Oprah. Esme had recently purchased and renovated a log home in Park City that was going to be featured on a Travel channel special. Yes, that's everyday life for these people.

During a particular awkward pause in the conversation, my cell phone buzzed-_  
"Ya down with OPP? Yeah you know me!"_

Peter made a game of changing my ringtones to the most embarrassing things possible. I rolled my eyes as I quickly hit the silence button and read over the text message, earning disapproving looks from both Cullen parents.

"Sorry, that was Pete. It's almost closing time. I better be going." I stood from my chair.

"Bella, one more thing-How much do you really know about these new friends of yours?" Carlisle asked, reproach clear in his voice.

I felt my cheeks flush as my heart started to race. "I know that they were there for me when no one else was." My voice was louder than I realized earning us stares from the other coffee shop patrons.

"I understand your need for companionship, Bella. But really, Edward needs you now. I think he deserves your undivided attention while going through his difficult recovery," Esme's tone was kind, but her words cut like a knife.

"Did it ever occur to you that I am going through some pretty fucked up shit myself?" I was nearly yelling now. "Your son almost killed me. He beat the hell out of me. Jasper was the one who rescued me. Jasper was the one who helped me realize my own addiction. He was there for me when I overdosed and nearly died in his house. He nursed me through the withdrawals, which by the way, is no easy fucking task. Where was Edward during all that? Oh, yeah. Laid up under some whore doped out of his mind." I felt like one of those cartoon characters with the puffed up chest and red face and smoke coming out its ears.

Carlisle and Esme stared at me, mouths agape.

I felt two strong arms wrap around my waist. "Shh, it's alright, darlin'. Let's get out of here."

I turned to face Jasper, burying my face in his chest, soaking him with fresh tears.

"Take me home, Jasper," I managed to squeak out between sobs.

He led me out of the restaurant and back to his car without giving the Cullens a backward glance.

He sat me in the back seat of the Range Rover, climbing in next to me and pulling me into his lap.

"It's ok, Bella. Let it out," he whispered as he rubbed soothing strokes up and down my back.

And that's exactly what I did. For forty-five minutes, I cried and snotted and slobbered all over Jasper. Like a blubbering idiot. He continued to hold me, reassuring me everything was going to be alright.

Finally I pulled away. "Shit! I am so fucking sorry," I exclaimed.

"No worries, darlin'. I learned long ago not to wear my good t-shirts around you."

I couldn't hide the small giggle that escaped my lips. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Better?" he asked.

I nodded. "Thank you, Jasper. Again," I added.

He placed one hand under my chin, lifting my face until my eyes met his. His blue eyes were piercing. I couldn't turn away. He moved his mouth an inch closer to mine. I turned my head to the left, licking my lips in anticipation. He was like a fucking tractor beam sucking me in.

_Bang bang bang!_ Peter pounded on the window. We quickly jerked apart, looking anywhere but at each other. I scooted out of Jasper's lap and rolled down the window.

"What the hell did those assholes do to you?" he asked, eyes dark with fury.

"Nothing. I'm ok now," I answered, wiping my eyes.

"I'm gonna march over there and give that stuck up prick a piece of my mind!" Charlotte chimed in.

"Don't bother. They're so not worth it," I responded honestly. "I just want to go home,"

I slid up into the passenger's seat as Jasper opened the door and got out. I saw him whispering to Peter before climbing behind the wheel.

He pulled out of the parking lot and started the drive home. His right arm was resting on the center console. I couldn't help myself. I threaded my arm through his, locking our hands. He gave me an approving grin. I laid my head over on his shoulder and was nearly asleep by the time we pulled in the driveway.

I decided to take a nice long shower before bed, willing my mind and body to calm down. No such luck. I returned to my bedroom, wrapped in my oversize terry cloth bathrobe, exhausted and one big ball of nerves.

Charlotte was lounging in the center of the bed, her head propped up against the headboard, flipping through the channels.

"Feel better?" she asked as she scooted over.

"Not really. I feel like such an idiot. I don't know why I let them get to me," I answered as I plopped down next to her.

"What happened back there?" she asked, turning off the television.

"Well, I thought things were going fine. They said Edward was 'getting help,' whatever that means. They even apologized to me for not taking me seriously all those years ago when I tried to warn them about his addiction. Everything was alright until they decided to insult Peter and Jasper," I said, feeling the anger threaten to return.

"What did they say?" she asked.

I thought a minute. What had they really said to set me off like that? "I dunno, exactly. They asked me how well I knew my new 'friends'."

"Those aren't exactly fightin' words, Bella," she said, rolling over on her side.

"I know, I know. It wasn't so much the words as the way he said them. The Cullens have always made me feel like I wasn't good enough for them. I felt like they were insinuating the same thing about Jasper. And then, when they said I needed to forget about myself and 'be there for Edward,' I guess I flew off the fucking handle." I rolled my eyes at myself. Apparently my stupidity knew no bounds tonight.

"Ya think?" she giggled.

"Ugh, I just can't help it. They are so _perfect_, with their designer clothes and Mercedes and mansions all over the country. And they feel like everyone else is so beneath them. It drives me crazy. And don't even get me started on the way they treat Edward," I added, disgust clear in my voice.

"You still have a lot of unresolved issues, Bella Swan," Charlotte said, staring intently at me. "But, I think we'll be alright."

"Well, gee, isn't that great news," I said sarcastically.

"You've just got to learn to let go," she remarked as she climbed out of bed. "I'll see ya in the morning. Try and get some rest. We have a big day planned tomorrow," she added with a grin before flipping the bedroom light out and continuing down the hall.

_Easier said than done_, I thought to myself. I collapsed into bed, pulling the covers tight around my neck. I had been so happy earlier tonight, before the Cullens decided to swoop in and shit all over it. Why had I gotten so upset with them? It's not like this conversation had been all that different from previous ones. I knew the answer immediately. It was Jasper. I felt like they were insulting Jasper. It struck me as curious that I was ready to fight for this man I had only really been close to for a few weeks, when I lived through years of the mental torment they inflicted on their son. Of course, Edward was their golden child, but if for some reason they felt his actions were unbecoming of the Cullen name, they had no problem letting him know it. His face had met the back of Carlisle's hand more than once. And yet I had said nothing. Perhaps in that way I had failed Edward, too.

"Mother fucker," I moaned to myself as I repositioned in the bed. It was entirely too late and I was entirely too exhausted to be having this conversation with myself. I closed my eyes and tried to think my normal happy thoughts, but somehow they just didn't do it for me tonight.

'_You've got to learn to let go,' _Charlotte's words were the last thing that crossed my mind before I finally drifted into blissful unconsciousness.

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**Bella is still pretty screwed up, no? But she is trying, and that's really all you can ask of a person. So, what do ya think of our surprise guests in this chapter? I would love to hear from ya... **


	10. The Great Outdoors

**Thanks as always to those who read/review/alert my story. It really makes my day!**

**This shizz is now beta'd by the totally awesome givemesomevamp. Seriously, she writes her own kickass stories and still finds time to fix my mistakes.**

**As always...I don't own!

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-The Great Outdoors-

"Rise and shine sleepy head!" Peter exclaimed before plopping down on the bed next to me.

I rolled over and groaned, covering my head with a pillow. "What time is it Pete?"

"Seven. Come on; we're goin' on a road trip." He stood from my bed, yanking the covers off me.

"Ugh. I've only had like three hours of sleep." I rose up and ran my fingers through my tangled hair. I should have known better than to go to bed with it wet.

"I'll start the coffee, then," he said as he turned to leave my room. "Pack light and outdoorsy," he called from the hallway.

I collapsed back onto my pillow. Yesterday had been such an emotional rollercoaster, that I really wanted nothing more than to lie in bed, eat junk food, and have a day-long pity party.

Let's weigh the options here: I could stay secluded in my room all day, getting chubby, watching some Jersey Shore re-runs, feeling sorry for myself; or drag my ass out of bed, get ready, and go road-tripping with the Whitlocks.

While I could see the perks to both sides, number two had the Jasper factor. And apparently that is consuming me as of late.

I stood from my bed, stretching my arms over my head. "Where are we going anyway?" I stuck my head out of my door and called to Peter.

"It's a surprise," he yelled back. "Now, get your ass in the shower!"

I picked up my mountain of covers from the floor and started to make my bed. Great. Pack light and outdoorsy; whatever the hell that means. I have never been much of a wilderness-loving, roughing it kind of girl. Call me crazy but I like daily baths and being able to shit in a toilet.

I hurried into the shower, taking time to scrub, trim, and shave everything. If this was a 'roughing it' kind of trip, who knows when I would get the chance to bathe again?

I dressed in comfortable khaki shorts and my favorite American Eagle t-shirt. I opted for my Nike Shox rather than flip flops, and pulled my hair into a loose pony tail. I grabbed a duffle bag and tossed in a couple pairs of denim cut-offs and t-shirts, along with some flannel sleep shorts and tank tops. I have a constant fear of running out of clean underwear, so I added seven pairs to the pile. I decided to throw in my favorite bikini and a couple pairs of sandals. I grabbed my toothbrush and all my bath essentials (here's hoping) and stuffed them on top. When I was finished, I was barely able to zip the damn bag.

"Coffee my dear," Peter said as he handed me a travel thermos. He was standing in the middle of the living room impatiently waiting for me. "Great job on packing light, by the way," he smirked as he looked at my bag; the zipper threatening to burst it was crammed so full.

"Shut up," I giggled as I grabbed my sunglasses from the end table. "Now can you tell me where we are going?"

"You'll find out soon enough. Ready?" He offered me his arm.

"Ready," I smiled as I locked mine with his.

We walked out onto the front porch locking the door behind us. Charlotte was giving Jasper detailed instructions on how to pack the luggage. The back of Jasper's Range Rover now housed more camping equipment than the outdoors section of Dick's Sporting Goods.

"'Bout time you drug your sleepy ass out here," Charlotte giggled as she bounced over to me, wrapping me in another hug. This bunch sure was affectionate.

"Come on. You were up just as late as me. How are you guys all so cheery?" I asked.

"I always sleep well here. I feel safe being under the same roof as these guys." She wrapped her arms around Peter's waist, standing on her toes to give him a light kiss on the cheek.

I nodded in agreement. "_That_ is your suitcase?" I asked with a raised eyebrow as I took in the oversized rolling bag next to her feet.

"Yep," she grinned.

"You gave me shit about my pathetic duffel bag?" I poked Peter in the stomach.

"He learned long ago not to mess with me and my luggage, Bells," she laughed.

"Women," Peter sighed dramatically as he walked to the back of the car to help Jasper finish packing.

"I think we're all set," Jasper smiled as he shut the back hatch. "Everyone ready?"

We all nodded.

"You sure you girls don't need to piss or something? I don't want to be stopping in five minutes," Peter remarked as he climbed in the passenger seat.

Charlotte smacked the back of his head as we piled in the back. Jasper climbed behind the wheel, and we were off.

"So, now can you tell me where we're going?" I asked as we pulled out of the MacDonald's drive-through. We had been on the road for about thirty minutes.

"Canyon Lake," Jasper said from the front of the car, looking in the rear-view mirror and giving me a dimpled grin.

"You are gonna love it," Charlotte added with her mouth full of a sausage McMuffin. "There is boating, swimming, and camping."

"I suppose that's where the tent comes in?" I asked, trying to hide my apprehension.

"Tents," Peter corrected me, accentuating the S.

Perfect. Tent camping. In the Texas summer heat. If this trip didn't entail the possibility of shirtless Jasper frolicking in the water, I would so back out and beg to be taken home.

The remainder of the drive was spent in happy conversation, making jokes, and lots of laughs. I knew if anyone could make the great outdoors enjoyable it would be these three, so I decided to give it my best effort.

We arrived at the lake about an hour later. It really was beautiful. Dark green water surrounded by boat docks and beaches. Further in the distance I could make out several of the million dollar waterfront homes. We found a campsite big enough for two tents, and the boys started unloading the vehicle.

"Bells, look up there," Charlotte smiled at me, pointing to a concrete block building a few yards away.

_Women's Restroom and Public Bathhouse_

"Thank you, Jesus," I exclaimed.

While the boys were busy setting up the tents, Charlotte and I found a nice spot to put the grill and make a bon fire.

"We're going to the store," she called as she picked up Jasper's keys from the picnic table. "Anything in particular you guys want?"

"Get some stuff for hot dogs," Jasper answered. "And something to cook for breakfast in the morning."

"Got it," Charlotte pretended to make a mental note. "Anything else?"

"Sam Adams," Peter called.

"Dos Equis," Jasper added.

"Great. Be back soon." She hopped over to Peter, giving him a kiss on the cheek then back to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me along with her.

Charlotte climbed in the driver's seat; adjusting it and the mirrors to her specification. I couldn't help but stare as she put the car in drive and started playing with the radio.

"What?" she finally asked.

"Nothing," I said, looking out of the window.

"Seriously? What the hell is up? You have been so quiet today," she said as she rolled down the window.

"It's just…I have never known people who are as…close as you guys. I mean, Edward would never even let me drive his car. And just the way you all talk and joke and share everything…It's just odd to me," I said as I pulled a Marlboro from my purse.

"Yeah, we're a pretty tight knit group," she giggled. "And maybe we are overly close. But that's because we've been through so much together. I love Peter, more than my own life. And I love Jasper as much as I love any member of my own family. We take care of each other, and we always will."

I nodded my head as I silently smoked my cigarette. Every day I spent with the Whitlocks I discovered another reason to like them more. I found myself longing for that kind of companionship and acceptance. I was starting to love them; all of them. And I wasn't entirely sure I liked it. People who you care about have enormous power to hurt you. And I don't think I could handle that right now. It would push me completely off the deep end.

A few minutes later, we pulled into a Super Wal-Mart. Charlotte found a buggy and skipped happily through the various aisles, buying more food than we could eat in a week.

"How long are we staying anyway?" I asked as she put two loaves of bread in the buggy.

"Two nights. I hope you brought enough stuff. We can always run out to the mall if you need anything. Ohh, buy one get one free on wieners!" she exclaimed as she made a beeline for the display.

I rolled my eyes and followed along. Thirty minutes of grocery shopping later, we had an overflowing cart and I was ready to get back.

"Do you know what would be perfect? S'mores! I haven't had them since I was a kid. I bet the guys will love them!" She added the marshmallows, chocolate bars, and graham crackers to the top of the pile.

I nodded my head in agreement. Truth be told, I had never had a S'more in my life. Or a wiener roasted over a fire on a stick. Or slept outside in a tent. Today was just going to be full of firsts.

Finally, she headed toward the check out. "So, we got the boys plenty of beer." She pointed to the two twenty-four packs in the bottom of the buggy. "Do you want to run by the ABC store and pick up something for us?"

"Definitely," I smiled. I was going to need something to help me relax and get the stick out of my ass.

After loading the groceries in the back of the car, we walked over to the ABC store. We decided to pick up some coconut rum and pineapple juice. Normally I don't go for the overly sweet drinks, but Charlotte assured me it would be perfect for the 'atmosphere'.

The boys had everything set up nicely when we returned. Much to my delight, Jasper was already shirtless, running around in navy blue board shorts and flip flops. The shorts sat low on his hips, emphasizing his perfectly defined abs. His chest was covered with a thin film of perspiration. Remind me again why I didn't want to come on this trip?

We unloaded the groceries, packing them into several oversized coolers. It was barely noon and it was already hotter than hell. I was sweatin' like a whore in church.

"Who's ready to hit the beach?" Peter asked as he cracked open an ice-cold beer, taking a long draw.

"I am," I answered as I wiped the sweat from my forehead.

"Me too," Jasper added as he dug through the cooler.

"Give us a minute to change into our bathing suits," Charlotte said as she grabbed my arm and led me into one of the tents.

As soon as she zipped the door behind us, she jerked her top over her head and unsnapped her bra. She kicked off her shorts and underwear before digging into her bag to find her bikini.

I nervously moved into the corner and turned around, struggling with my zipper and then the clasp of my bra.

"There's no need to be shy. We have the same parts, after all," she giggled adjusted her top.

"Right," I grinned, turning five different shades of red. I finally managed to get undressed and pull on my bathing suit. I opted against a cover up; it was way too hot. I slid my feet into my flip flops and we were ready.

"That is such a cute bikini. That hot pink color looks really pretty against your skin," Charlotte admired. "Turn around," she instructed, putting her hands on my hips to examine it closer.

"Thanks. I got it last year from Victoria's Secret. I was during their end of season sale." I rambled trying to hide my embarrassment as she looked me up and down. "You can borrow it if you want."

"I wish. I could never fill it out like you do," she giggled, giving me a playful slap on the bottom. "Your ass is fantastic. And don't even get me started on those boobs. I look like a ten year old boy," she pouted as she put her hands under her breasts, attempting to push them up.

"Ya know what I always say…More than a mouthful is a waste," Peter grinned as he swooped Charlotte up and started running toward the water.

This left me alone with Jasper. Nearly naked. Completely exposed. I felt the warmth spread to my neck and chest. No man but Edward had seen this much of my body before, and it made me incredibly self-conscious. Edward always liked to comment on the fact that my legs were too skinny, or my ass was too fat, or my boobs were too saggy. After a while, I started to believe him.

"You like to swim?" he asked with a crooked grin, pulling me from my self-induced panic.

"Sure. I mean, I haven't done it in a while. But I loved it as a kid," I answered, nervously wringing my hands; wishing I had thrown an oversized t-shirt on over my string bikini.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" He extended his hand to me.

I latched my hand with his and we started toward the water. Peter and Charlotte were already several feet out, splashing and dunking each other. I walked in up to my waist, giving myself time to get acclimated to the cool water. It felt fantastic.

"Come on you guys! It feels awesome!" Charlotte yelled before Peter picked her up and tossed her a few feet in the air, coming down into a big splash. She quickly recovered, wrapping both arms around his neck and taking him down.

Before I could answer, Jasper scooped me up bridal style and started running out to meet them. When we were in deep enough water, he dropped me, dunking me completely under. After the initial shock, I stood up and was laughing so hard I could barely move.

"Weak, Swan, weak," Peter remarked.

I turned to Jasper who was laughing like a hyena. I twisted my foot around his leg before grabbing his shoulders and pushing him under. This earned a standing ovation from Charlotte as I took a bow.

The rest of the morning continued very much the same way. We swam, floated, frolicked, and played until we were worn out. I could feel my skin starting to burn, and my stomach was growling.

"I think I'm ready to head in," I said.

"Last one to the beach has to clean up after dinner!" Peter yelled, throwing Charlotte on is back and running toward the shore.

"Cheater!" Jasper yelled back as he grabbed me and started running after them.

"You lose, brother," Peter said smugly as he plopped Charlotte down on the picnic table.

"You totally cheated!" I chimed in.

"What have I told you before? Peter Whitlock does not cheat. Much," he added with an evil grin.

We were toweling off and I couldn't help but stare at Jasper. Holy hell. Whatever fantasies I had about his perfect body, covered in droplets of lake water and curly blond hair in damp ringlets, could in no way compare to the real thing. My eyes had just moved down to his ass when he looked up, his gaze meeting mine. He gave me a cocky smirk and continued toweling off. I felt the beginnings of a warm tingle between my thighs, and had to swallow the drool that had pooled in my mouth before it literally ran down my chin.

I excused myself to the tent where I peeled off the wet bikini and combed through my hair. My skin felt dry and itchy. I made a mental note to ask Charlotte help me cover myself in aloe lotion before bed. I quickly realized a bra was out of the question, jerking it off only moments after I put it on; the straps dug into my sunburned skin. I opted for a comfy pair of denim cutoffs and a black tank top, and piled my hair on top of my head in a loose bun.

Jasper and Peter had already started collecting wood for the bonfire as Charlotte was digging through the coolers to find her jumbo packs of wieners. She got out two bags of potato chips, ketchup, and buns, and started arranging the picnic table. All of this while still wearing glorified patches of fabric held together by flimsy strings. What I wouldn't give for that kind of confidence. The thought that I was, in fact, braless in public made me feel slutty and uncomfortable.

We arranged folding chairs around the fire as Jasper handed out the roasting sticks.

"Nice. You got the jumbo Ballpark wieners," Peter grinned approvingly at Charlotte.

"What can I say, I like 'em big," she replied with a wink.

I choked and nearly spit out the bite of barbeque chips I had just stuffed into my mouth. I should have known Peter wouldn't let that go.

"What, Bella? You don't like 'em big?" he asked with mock concern.

"Shut up, Peter," Jasper scolded as he tossed a bun at Peter, hitting him in the head.

"What, man? I'm only asking for your benefit," he innocently replied.

I was glad that I had gotten so sunburned. Maybe that meant they wouldn't notice the blush that now covered my entire upper body. I stared at the ground, focusing only on chewing and swallowing my chips.

Another 'What?' from Peter, accompanied by a shoulder shrug; a death glare from Jasper, and he finally dropped it.

"So, what do you think of Canyon Lake so far?" Charlotte asked me, thankfully changing the subject.

"Oh, um, I really like it. It's really beautiful," I answered.

"I told ya it wasn't so bad." She turned to Peter. "Do you know what we should do tomorrow? Go down to the marina and rent jet skis. That would be so much fun."

"Great idea, Babe," Peter replied, taking the charred frank off the stick and placing it on the bun.

They started up a conversation about all the possible activities for the next day. I was staring at the fire, watching the flames flicker.

"You don't like hotdogs?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah, I do. I've just never eaten them this way," I answered.

"There's nothing to it. Look, just put it on a stick and hold it over the flames a few seconds; just until it gets dark," he started to demonstrate.

When it was done, he passed the stick to me. I put my hotdog together, and took a bite. It was marvelous. I gobbled it up, licking my lips when it was gone.

"So, you do like Jasper's wiener, huh?" Peter grinned at me.

Charlotte slapped his arm. "Will you please stop saying 'wiener'? This ain't high school," she scolded.

"It's just one of those words; I don't care how many times you say it, it never gets old," he grinned.

"Who's ready for a drink?" Jasper asked rolling his eyes, standing from his chair.

"Me," I said as I raised my hand.

"Me, too," Charlotte chimed in. "Bella and I will be having the coconut rum and pineapple juice."

"That shit is too sweet," Jasper shook his head as he found a Dos Equis and cracked it open.

"Please. And that Mexican piss is any better?" She made a gagging motion with her finger.

"Suit yourselves," he grinned as he found two cups and started mixing our cocktails.

Charlotte was right and Jasper was crazy. That shit was fucking delicious; and it did fit the atmosphere perfectly.

The sun was starting to set over the lake. Charlotte climbed out of her chair and nuzzled into Peter's lap. Jasper pulled his chair closer to mine. We sat sipping our drinks, laughing and joking for what felt like an eternity.

A couple hours later, I was yawning uncontrollably.

"I think I'm ready to turn in. Which tent is ours, Char?" I asked as I stood and stretched.

"_Your_ tent is that one," Peter pointed to the larger of the two, "which you will be sharing with _Jasper_," he added with an evil grin.

Ok, time to panic. "But…what? I thought that it would be boys in one and girls in one."

"What the fuck is this? Seventh grade 4-H camp?" he teased.

"But, I…we…I-" I was stammering over my words trying to come up with a valid reason why this could not happen.

"There is nothing like sleeping under the stars, butt naked, snuggled up to the one you love," Peter grinned as he nuzzled into Charlotte's neck.

"Bella, if this is a problem I'll sleep outside. I don't wanna make you uncomfortable," Jasper offered.

"No, no it's fine. It just kinda caught me by surprise." How bad could it be, really? Maybe Jasper sleeps in the buff. I just prayed I didn't fart or do something totally embarrassing in my sleep. Like moan his name.

"Great. We'll see you in the morning." Peter picked Charlotte up and carried her to their tent, giggling and whispering as they went.

"So, uh, you ready for bed?" I asked Jasper. Awkward much?

"Yeah, sure. I'm gonna run over in the bushes and take a piss. I'll be there in a minute," he answered as he headed away from the tent.

_Ok, Bella. You can do this_. I unzipped the tent, pulling off my jean shorts and changing into flannel ones at lightning speed. My skin really was starting to hurt so I dug through my bag until I found my lotion. I was lathering myself up as Jasper entered the tent.

"You need some help with that?" he asked with a smile.

"Um, sure. If you don't mind," I answered as I tossed him the bottle.

"Turn around," he instructed.

I spun around on my bottom until my back was to him.

"Do you mind?" he asked as he stuck both hands under the back of my tank top.

"Not at all," I blushed. I pulled the lower hem of my shirt up to my neck, fully exposing my back and shoulders to him. I initially jumped at the coolness of his hands, covered in the lotion, but quickly adapted. It felt incredible. His hands were rough and strong, taking care to cover every inch of my burned flesh.

"Thank you," I nearly moaned when he was finished. "That felt so good."

"No problem," he grinned. "So, which sleeping bag do you want?"

"Um, I'll take that one," I pointed to the one on the left, furthest from the door.

"Great. Are you sure you're ok with this?" he asked, rubbing one hand over my shoulder.

"Positive," I nearly cooed. This shit was starting to border on fucking ridiculous.

He smirked as released his hold on my shoulder. He switched off the lantern, moving to climb under his bag. "G'night, Bella," he whispered.

"Goodnight, Jasper," I returned just before zipping myself in.

It was perfectly silent outside, the only sound coming from the crickets chirping outside or the occasional giggle from Peter and Charlotte's tent. Jasper's breathing soon became deep an even. I laid on my side to face him. I could make out his form from the lights filtering in from the outside as his chest and shoulders moved up and down with each breath. It was completely peaceful.

In that moment, I started to realize that I was in a little deeper than I thought. I could no longer kid myself that Jasper was just a good friend whose body I lusted after. No. I wanted him. I needed him. All of him. This new development was completely unsettling. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I contemplated the possibility that he could never return those feelings. How could I make it without him? Without all of them? I couldn't. I had opened my heart to these people, and I was now completely vulnerable.

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**I know; mostly just fun and fluff. Who would suffer through sleeping outside, just to get a sneak peak of Jasper in his jammies? **

**I would love to hear from ya! Love it? Hate it? Let me know...  
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	11. Sweeter Than Wine

**Thanks as always to you for reading/reviewing/alerting/favoriting.**

**givemesomevamp is one kick-ass beta. **

**And of course, I don't own it...**

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-Sweeter Than Wine-

I woke the next morning feeling achy and stiff all over. Somehow during the night I had broken free of my sleeping bag, and was now lying on the hard ground, uncovered and freezing. My left leg was slung over something I didn't recognize and my face was buried cool nylon.

I slowly opened one eye, trying to get my bearings.

"Shit!" I was startled. That unidentified mound my leg was slung over; that would be Jasper. And the cool nylon; that would be his sleeping bag that my face was pressed against. I moved my left arm over my head in search of my pillow. It landed it a mess of tangled curly hair. Wonderful. Fucking perfect. I had inadvertently spooned Jasper. I slowly eased over to my side of the tent, hoping I hadn't disturbed him

"Mornin'," Jasper drawled as he lazily rolled over.

Well, so much for that. Ok, no way to make this any less awkward.

"Morning. I'm sorry. I must have wiggled out of my sleeping bag in the middle of the night. Shit. I am so sorry," I buried my face in my hands.

"Darlin', there is no need for an apology." I could hear the smile in his voice, but I still couldn't look at him.

"This is so fucking embarrassing," I groaned.

"I told you; don't worry about it. Wow, a beautiful woman snuggled me while I slept. Fucking tragic," he said sarcastically. "I'm goin' to shower and start breakfast. Sleep as long as you like."

I raised my head just in time to see Jasper stand and grab his own duffel bag.

"It was really kinda nice," he grinned as he turned to exit the tent.

I caught his side profile just before he stepped outside. Apparently, Jasper liked to sleep in mesh shorts and not much else. There stood Jasper's morning wood in all its glory; like Mount fucking Everest, begging me to climb on up.

I snapped my jaw shut and collapsed on my back in a fit of silent giggles, thankful that no one was around to witness this.

I finally pulled it together enough to stand up. I grabbed my bag and stepped outside, picking up my bathing suit that I had hung up to dry the night before. It was already hot outside and I felt disgusting as I trudged up the hill to the women's restroom.

Had I not been in dire need of a cold shower, I would in no way, shape, or form use this pathetic excuse for a bath house. The walls were concrete cinderblocks, and the floor was covered in a disgusting mix of lake water, slime, and the water from the shower of whoever had been there before me. One wall was lined with sinks and mirrors, while the other had several shower heads sticking out from it. Great: no dividers and no curtains. Luckily, it was early and I was in here alone.

I made quick work of my shower, taking care to hit all the important spots. I pulled on my bathing suit and flip flops. I opted against brushing my teeth in there. No way was I getting anything that went in my mouth close to those disgusting sinks. I slathered on more of my lotion, remembering the way Jasper's hands felt as he rubbed it over my body. I felt my stomach start to tingle, and thought back to what I had witnessed in the tent.

"Get it together; you have got to face him in a few minutes. Act normal," I scolded myself.

"Who ya talking to?" Charlotte's chipper voice chimed in from behind me, causing me to drop my favorite lotion in that nasty floor.

"What? Who?" I stuttered.

"You've got it bad, girlie," she giggled as she proceeded to strip completely naked.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I picked up my bag and stomped outside; my best attempt at acting huffy.

Jasper was nowhere in sight, so I grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler. I squeezed out some toothpaste on my brush and began scrubbing my teeth. I had just spit out the residue, was rinsing my mouth, and doing some very undignified gargling when I felt a poke in my ribs, causing me to gag on the water.

I quickly spit it out and turned to face the perpetrator. "Nice, Peter. Very mature," I scoffed as I wiped my chin with the back of my hand.

"Couldn't resist. So what sorts of naughty things did you and Char do to each other in the shower?" He raised his eyebrows up and down.

"You are ridiculous." I slapped his arm. "We weren't even in there at the same time."

"Oh, well. A man can dream," he sighed wistfully.

"Dream about what?" Jasper asked as he stepped out of our tent.

"Char and Bella, wet and soapy, gettin' naughty in the shower."

Rather than his usual scolding or slapping Peter across the arm, Jasper simply quirked an eyebrow and made a little "humph" sound, as if he didn't think that would be such a bad idea either.

"Pervs," I blushed.

"You know it," Peter said in a sing-song voice as he pranced off toward the men's bath house.

This left me alone with Jasper. Again. In only a bathing suit. And him only in those same mesh shorts. Oh, God. And I know what is lurking just under that flimsy fabric…

"Bella?" he startled me from my thoughts with a concerned look on his face. "I was only joking. If I offended you-"

"What? No. I was just, uh, thinking about something. So what's for breakfast?" I turned and started rummaging through one of the coolers.

"Bacon and eggs," he answered as he found the charcoal bag and started walking toward the campsite's metal grill.

He pulled a Zippo and lit the bag before placing in on the bottom of the grill. He walked back to me and rummaged through a bag until he found a frying pan.

"I fucking love food cooked outdoors," he mused, mostly to himself.

_I fucking love hearing him say 'fucking'._

"You wanna help?" he asked.

"Um, sure. I've never cooked like this before, so I don't know if it will be any good," I replied.

"Darlin', you know I love anything you make. Grab that stuff and come over here."

I picked up the ingredients and a few plates and headed toward Jasper.

I mostly watched with a gaping mouth as Jasper cooked. Apparently that was my version of being helpful; but God almighty, is there nothing this man does that doesn't look like pure sexiness? He scrambled the eggs perfectly and flipped the bacon until it was good and crispy. All the while humming and running his fingers through that mess of hair on top of his head.

He finished too soon for my liking. I helped him plate the food[,] and we made our way back to the picnic table.

"I don't know about you," Jasper smirked, "but I am starving. I have no desire to wait on those two fuckers," he motioned toward Peter and Charlotte's tent. "Who the hell knows what they've gotten into this early."

I nodded my head in agreement. Jasper poured me a cup of orange juice and passed it to me before taking a drink straight from the carton.

I grabbed a plate and started inhaling my food. It was the best breakfast I had ever eaten. In the span of a few minutes I had shoveled in three eggs, four pieces of bacon, and a glass of juice.

"So you like it?" Jasper asked, taking another swig of orange juice.

"That shit is awesome," I nodded with my mouth full.

"Glad you like it," he smiled as he took another bite of bacon. It slid inside those perfect lips and over his tongue. I had never wanted to be a piece of charred, pig-flesh more in my entire life.

"I'll clean up," I said after we were both finished. He stood to protest, but I held up my hand to stop him. "You cooked. I clean."

He rolled his eyes but didn't argue.

When I finished, I found Jasper stretched out in one of the lounge chairs and plopped in the one next to him. We sat I perfect silence, staring out at the water.

I was nearly asleep when I heard the obnoxious sound coming toward us; the humming of two small motors followed by lots of 'woo-hoos' and splashing water. Peter and Charlotte soon came into view, speeding across the water on two mobile death traps.

"Well, I guess that explains where they ran off to," he chuckled.

Peter and Charlotte tied the jet skis at the dock a few yards from our campsite and headed toward us.

"What do ya think?" Peter asked excitedly as he found his plate of breakfast still sitting on the picnic table.

"I think it looks like an ER visit waiting to happen," I smirked.

"Oh, come on. They're fun!" Charlotte chimed in.

They proceeded to stuff their faces while discussing new and exciting ways to cause me bodily harm.

"If you don't wanna ride those things, it's cool. We can just hang out here all day," Jasper whispered to me.

I smiled and nodded my head.

"Oh, hell no. No way are you backing out of this," Peter exclaimed before stuffing another bite of egg in his mouth.

I looked to Jasper who had a sympathetic smile on his face. "Fine. But she rides with me."

"Well, yeah. I mean, did you think I was gonna be the one straddling your ass all day?" Peter rolled his eyes.

They finished breakfast and we made our way to the dock. Jasper held my hand the entire time walk; my stomach was doing flip flops. Now comes a new worry; perhaps I'll regurgitate Jasper's delicious bacon and eggs all over his back?

"Don't worry, Darlin'. I won't let anything happen to you," he breathed in my ear, wrapping an arm around my waist and squeezing.

"Here ya go," Peter called before tossing me a life jacket.

I stuck my arms through the holes and fumbled with the zipper and latches.

"Here, let me help." Jasper turned me to face him. He pulled the vest tight and carefully pulled the zipper up. I thought he stared a little too long at my breasts as his hand moved the zipper overtop of them. _Wishful thinking_.

Peter and Charlotte had already suited up and taken off, calling something back to us about being 'too old' and 'chicken shit'.

"Alright. I'm gonna climb on first and start it. Then you get on behind me. You will have to, um, straddle me," he instructed.

_Oh, I liked the sound of that_.

"Ok," I answered, biting my lip. I did as he instructed; awkwardly positioning myself behind him. I pressed my body close to his and wrapped my arms around his stomach and hung on for dear life.

"Ready?" he asked.

"As I'll ever be," I replied.

He shot off across the water like a bullet. I couldn't help the little squeal of excitement that escaped my lips as we sped further away from shore.

xXx

"Admit it, Bella. You had fun today," Charlotte grinned sleepily from her perch on Peter's lap. We had just finished dinner and had settled around the campfire.

I nodded as I took a sip of my coconut rum and pineapple juice cocktail that Jasper had just poured me. "You're right," I yawned. "What time is it anyway?" The sun had just set over the water.

"Nine. I knew you were gettin' old," Peter smirked.

"Yeah, buddy. Pass me the Bengay," I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously? It is only nine?" This seemed to rouse Charlotte. "No, we can't go to bed this early. It's our last night here."

"What are you whining about?" Jasper teased as he took his seat next to mine, fresh beer and cigarette in hand.

"I don't wanna go to bed yet," she pouted.

"What do you suggest? Unless it's something really interesting, I don't think I will last long," I yawned again.

"Ohh! I know; how 'bout a game of Truth or Dare?" she said conspiratorially.

"What is this, junior high?" Jasper scoffed.

"Come on; it'll be fun," she grinned, turning to Peter.

"Whatever. I'm in." He knew better than to argue with her.

"I guess," I sighed.

"Resistance is futile," she raised an eyebrow at Jasper.

"I guess," he grinned and rolled his eyes.

"Yay! Ok, since it was my idea, I get to go first. Jasper, truth or dare?" she asked.

"Truth."

"How many times have you been in love?"

"Boring," Peter said in protest, earning him and slap in the arm from Charlotte.

Jasper was deep in thought. "If find love very difficult to define. It is always changing and evolving. Often confused with infatuation, comfort, lust…"

The way he said _lust_ made my cheeks warm.

"Thank you, Sigmund Freud. Can we please have a fun question next?" Peter scoffed.

"It's Jasper's turn," Charlotte grinned, taking another long sip of her cocktail.

"Pete, truth or dare?"

"Dare, mother fucker!" he exclaimed, a little too excited for a campfire game of Truth or Dare; but, whatever.

"Finish Char's cup of that fruity shit."

"You people are really no fun at all," he remarked before upending Charlotte's glass. "Easy. Bella, truth or dare?"

Oh, hell. Of course he would pick me. "Truth," I answered, figuring it was the lesser of two evils.

"How many 'wieners' have you seen? Ya know, up close and personal," he grinned.

"One," I shrugged. That was easy. "Charlotte, take my turn; I can't think of anything good."

"Gladly. Bella, truth or dare?"

"Geez, it was just my turn," I protested. "Fine. Dare."

"I dare you to kiss…Peter," she said with a raised eyebrow.

Well, that's certainly not the name I was expecting her to say. "What?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Oh, come on. We're just havin' some fun. Now kiss," she commanded.

"Oh, I've dreamt of this day," Peter said dramatically as he hopped up from his chair, nearly spilling Charlotte on the ground. "Pucker up, baby," he drawled as he knelt next to my chair, moving his mouth closer to mine.

I rolled my eyes and turned my head to meet his. "No tongue," I instructed just before our lips touched.

It wasn't bad. A small peck and it was done.

"Thanks," Peter grinned, licking his lips as he stepped back to his chair.

"Your turn again, Bella," Charlotte said as she snuggled back into Peter's lap.

"I still got nothin'," I replied.

"I'll take her turn," Peter smiled. "Char, truth or dare?"

"Dare, baby."

"I dare _you_ to kiss Bella," he said with an evil grin.

"What the hell? Does everyone here want to kiss me?" I blushed.

"Yes," Peter and Charlotte answered in unison.

"My turn," Charlotte hopped out of Peter's lap and plopped on me. She pressed her lips to mine before I had a chance to react. It lasted just seconds longer that the one I shared with Peter. Again, it was nice; just like kissing a friend should be.

"That was awesome," Peter whispered with wide eyes.

"Thanks, doll," Charlotte grinned as she hopped off my lap. "Are you feeling left out, Jay?" she turned to Jasper.

He just rolled his eyes at her. His expression wasn't exactly amused.

"Come on. Walk me up to the Ladies' room. I'm scared I'll step on a snake or something," she grabbed his hands and pulled him to his feet. He begrudgingly followed behind her.

Peter scooted his chair next to mine. "Don't feel weird or anything. We were just having fun," he said out of the corner of his mouth as he lit a cigarette. He handed the pack and lighter to me.

"I know; it's no big deal," I attempted to act nonchalant.

"You've really got it bad for him, huh?" he smirked.

Well, that one caught me off guard. "Got what bad for whom?"

"Don't play dumb with me. You have it bad for my brother."

Oh my God. Tell me this isn't happening. "Jasper is a great friend. And yeah, maybe I do like him more than I should. But like I told your fiancé; I'm just not ready to fall in love again." I took a long puff from my cigarette.

"Who said anything about love? That expression you get when he walks by, the way you look at him; that ain't love written all over your face," he smirked. "_That_ is good ol' fashioned lust."

I could feel the blush spread from my cheeks to my neck and chest. "Whatever, Pete," I found myself unable to form a coherent response.

"Just be good to him, ya know? He's been through a lot. I don't wanna see him get hurt," Peter shrugged.

"Peter Whitlock," I smiled, "Are you trying to protect your big brother?"

"Don't say it like that; you make me feel like we're in some Lifetime movie bullshit. But seriously, he's always looked after me. And I know the shit storm that was his previous relationship," he shuddered.

"I would never hurt him," I said softly.

"Good. And believe me when I say, he would treat you like an absolute fucking queen," he replied, taking another draw from his cigarette.

"And how do you know he's even interested?" I couldn't hide my smile.

"Are you kiddin' me?" he raised his eyebrows. "Honey, you'd have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to notice that shit."

"What shit?" Charlotte asked from behind Peter, walking back to the campfire hand in hand with Jasper.

I still could not get over how close they all were.

"Nothin'. We were just talkin' about work," he lied.

"You about ready to turn in?" she asked Peter with a devilish grin. "All this kissin' has got me hot and bothered."

"Absofuckinglutely." Peter hopped up and tossed Charlotte over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, running for their tent. Her giggles of protests soon turned to low moans as he unzipped their tent door.

"Awkward," I whispered.

"No shit." Jasper's cheeks were a rosy color I had never seen before. "So, uh, you wanna go to bed or stay up a while?"

"Doesn't matter. I'm really not all that sleepy." Between the kissing and conversation with Peter, I was now wide awake.

"I got an idea," he started toward our tent. He emerged a few seconds later carrying his sleeping bag. He spread in on the ground in front of the fire and sat in the middle. "Wanna join me?"

"Sure," I smiled. I sat down next to him. He spun around, pulling me between his legs. I leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around me. I relaxed into his chest and he rested his chin on top of my head.

We sat for a few minutes, watching the fire flicker. Everything was completely silent minus the chirping crickets and occasional giggle or moan from Peter and Char's tent.

"Have you had a good time?" he asked softly.

"The best," I sighed. "Thank you so much for inviting me."

"You're welcome, Darlin'. So, I have a question for you," he sounded nervous. "When we get back home, would you maybe want to go to dinner or something? Ya know, like, just the two of us. I mean if you don't, it's totally fine, I understand."

"I would love to," I grinned.

He moved his mouth closer to my face and touched his lips to my cheek. "Great," he breathed.

I swear to the Lord it took everything in me not to turn around and tackle him, then and there. I opted instead to close my eyes and focus on the feel of his body next to mine.

"This feels nice," he said after a few more minutes.

"Uh huh," I sighed. I was sleepy again. He tightened his grip around me. "What does that mean, anyway?" I asked as I traced the Latin script inked on his forearm.

"Per aspera ad astra. Through adversity to the stars."

"That's really beautiful," I smiled. "Peter has the same thing?"

"Yeah. We got 'em when I was on leave from the Army one time."

"What about the others?"I asked.

"Well, the one on my side, I got to cover some of the scars," he moved his hand over the thick black ink that intertwined with the raised skin. "And these," he pointed to the backs of his calves, "are Chinese letters. This one is 'brother,' and this one is 'sister'."

"Is that the same one Charlotte has tattooed on her foot?" I asked, pointing to the 'brother' symbol.

"Yep; same one Peter has on his shoulder."

Wow. This bunch really was tight-knit. I had known close families, but never any that were willing to get all inked up for each other.

"Maybe we were just being dramatic," Jasper said.

"No. No, not at all," I replied, afraid I had offended him. "I have just never known such a close family before. I think it's great."

"We take care of each other. Always will," he shrugged.

I settled back into his chest, feeling amazed and yet unworthy. I was so fortunate to have this group of friends. But, why? Why had they decided I was worth getting to know? Why had they opened their lives to me? I was nothing special. Hell, I was way less than special.

"Are you ready for bed?" Jasper asked.

"Sure. If you are?"

"Yep. We have to get up early and head back." He stood behind me; then offered me both his hands, pulling me up to meet him.

He turned me to face him; his eyes dark and intense. I couldn't move. A fucking meteor could fall from the sky and crash in the middle of the lake for all I cared. The only thing I could see was Jasper. His tongue slid over his lips, moistening them. Mine subconsciously followed suit. I stood on my toes to meet him as he lowered his head.

His lips first brushed gently over mine, barely making contact. I could no longer control it. I wrapped both arms around his neck, pulling him down to me. Both his hands gripped my lower back, pressing our bodies together.

Our lips met again in a much less chaste fashion than their first contact. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, biting it gently, before our tongues met in a fit of fury. I wound my hands into that mess of blond hair and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

We pulled apart a few moments later, both panting and red-faced. I couldn't look him in the eye. I saw him attempt to inconspicuously adjust himself in those damn mesh shorts.

"That was, um, really nice," he finally spoke.

"I liked it, too," I blushed deeper.

"Get a room!" Peter called, making his way back to camp from the restroom.

_Great. I would never hear the end of this one._

"Well, I guess we better get to bed," he said, still fidgeting with his situation down below.

"Yeah, I'm really exhausted," I lied, faking a yawn. I couldn't sleep now if I had an entire bottle of Ambien laced with Lunesta.

I walked awkwardly back to the tent, still dazed and confused, as Jasper picked up his sleeping bag and followed after me.

I tucked myself in tightly, praying I would stay that way. "Night, Jasper," I whispered after he had settled in.

"G'night, Darlin'. Sweet dreams," he whispered.

It occurred to me that I wouldn't mind hearing those words every night before I fell asleep. Yes, I am definitely in trouble. Head over heels and all that bull shit.

I closed my eyes and focused on Jasper's breathing, letting the soothing sound lull me to sleep.

xXx

"I'm so glad you came on this trip with us, Bella," Charlotte said as she soaped up her hair.

Sure, I had been the first one in the bath house this morning; and no, there were no curtains. But Charlotte was never one to let a little thing like privacy or modesty stand in her way.

"Me, too," I replied and I twirled the bar of soap in my wash cloth.

"And please, don't feel awkward about that kiss last night." She turned her back to the faucet, letting the water rinse the suds from her head.

"What kiss?" I asked too quickly. Had Peter seen me kiss Jasper? Had they heard it? Not that I was ashamed or anything; I just did not want to be teased.

"Peter," she said with a raised eyebrow. "Obviously, we're cool with each other," she motioned between us.

"Oh, right. No, it was fine. Kinda like what I would imagine kissing my own brother would be. If I had one," I shrugged.

"Good," she smiled.

We continued our showers. I thought back to the night before. I had managed to lock lips with all three of my friends. It wasn't bad; but only Jasper made my lady bits tingly. And then I had an odd thought. Maybe this group was _really_ closer than I had first imagined.

"Charlotte, can I ask you something?" I asked nervously as I turned to rinse under the water.

"Of course," she grinned.

"You guys don't like, uh, ya know, swap or anything?" I stammered.

She burst into a fit of laughter. "Hell no. Peter is so damn jealous he would never go for that. Plus, like you said about Peter; Jasper is like my brother. Come to think of it, he's more like my brother than my actual brother."

Well, that was good to know. This was without a doubt the oddest shower I had ever taken in my life.

We finished showering, toweled off, and got dressed. We found the boys had already packed up most of the campsite. I was sad to leave. We had such a great time; I didn't want it to end. I wanted us to be like this forever.

We were too exhausted to talk much on the ride home. Peter snored loudly from the front seat while Charlotte mindlessly flipped through an Us Weekly magazine. I watched the scenery pass, contemplating the week ahead and my upcoming date. Jasper flipped through the radio stations and occasionally I would catch him staring at me with a grin through the rearview mirror. I smiled back and blushed, naturally.

xXx

"I'm gonna miss you, girlie," Charlotte exclaimed, wrapping me in a hug. "Call me more than once in a blue moon."

"I will," I promised, hugging her back. I felt a lump in my throat, realizing just how much I really would miss Charlotte.

Peter had finished loading Charlotte's things in the back of his Camaro and they were ready to head back to Houston.

"I'll be back before work tomorrow," Peter called to Jasper.

"Take your time, brother. I have Bella to help me," he grinned.

"Aw, young love," he said dramatically before shutting his door and cranking the car.

"What a dick," Jasper mumbled.

After helping Jasper finish unloading his camping gear and re-pack it neatly in the garage, I retreated to my room to sort laundry. Jasper said he had 'shit to do' around the farm and stayed outside for the remainder of the day. I took a nice, long soak in the tub before cooking dinner.

After we ate, we sacked out on the couch to watch a movie. I begged to watch Dazed and Confused for the thirty-seventh time and he conceded. Jasper sat on one end of the couch, his feet propped up on the ottoman, while I lay with my head against the arm rest and my legs stretched across him. He was massaging my feet and we were laughing.

"'That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age'," he drawled out in his best impersonation of Matthew McConaughey as Wooderson. "Best fucking movie quote of all time."

"Can't argue with that," I giggled.

I was startled from blissful haze by the obnoxious vibrating of my cell phone.

'_Give to me sweet sacred bliss  
That mouth was made to suck my kiss'_

"Peter," I rolled my eyes. "He really can be a jackass," I smirked as I typed a reply to his text. "They made it to Houston."

Jasper nodded and continued rubbing my feet. I tried to focus on the movie, which was damn near impossible.

"I swear to God," I said, completely annoyed, as I reached for my buzzing phone again.

_Uh oh_, I thought as Sugar, We're Goin' Down blared through the tiny speaker. That's one I hadn't heard in a few months. My stomach became tight and my palms were sweaty as I quickly hit Ignore.

"Peter again?" Jasper asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No," my throat felt dry as sandpaper. "Actually, that was Edward."

His eyes narrowed. "What the fuck could he want?"

"Hell if I know. Probably just dialed it by mistake," I answered nervously.

"Humph," was his only reply.

The movie continued to play; neither of us paying any attention to it. My mind was a jumbled mess of 'What the fuck?' and my stomach was queasy.

Finally, Pink and his gang had gotten caught smoking a joint on the football field by his coach and then decided Aerosmith concert tickets were way more fucking important high school football. A fact I couldn't argue with.

I hurriedly excused myself to my room and collapsed on my bed, one big jumbled mess of nerves. I flipped my phone open over and over, looking at my missed call log, hoping I had made a mistake. But there was the name, clear as a damn bell.

What in the hell could he possibly want? He hadn't left a voice mail. Maybe it was just a mistake and he didn't mean to dial my number? Maybe his parents told him about my big blow up in the coffee shop? Try as I might to pass it off as nothing, I could not escape the nagging feeling that maybe something was wrong. And I fucking hated myself for giving a damn.

* * *

**So this one was loaded with tons of action, no? Don't worry, folks; I have a plan and I promise you will enjoy the outcome. Trust me?**

**Love it? Hate it? You know what to do...**


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